How to make money doing what you love
January 21st, 2010 | 
Author: Every month we have a teleconference with our IAM Learning Community (premium) members to discuss how they can stay their course, connecting to what is essential about themselves, as they transform their work and life to be their best ongoing.
Last week we focused on the topic of making money doing what you love. With so much fear about work and jobs around, it felt important to address the practicalities of how “money = love” works.
Here’s a summary of the list we created together on the call. The call included both people who perceive themselves as accomplished at the money = love challenge, and people who are still figuring it out. Here’s what we came up with:
- Challenge/mistake: Attempting to jump directly from work being struggle to work being joyful.
Best practice:
Establish a daily practice of experiencing joy in your work. Gradually build your experience and faith in work being joyful. - Challenge/mistake: Listening to nay-sayers.
Best practice:
Surround yourself with people who support you following your dreams. Limit time with people who detract. - Challenge/mistake: Listening to experts.
Best practice:
Remember that you are the best expert on what is right for you. Develop trust in yourself to know, to discern, to choose what is right for you. Then consider expert advice. - Challenge/mistake: Thinking success is going to just ‘happen’ or an event will make or break you.
Best practice:
Making money doing what you love is a faith journey. Any one event is merely a stepping stone along the way. Remember this type of success is about walking a path of love and joy – ongoing. - Challenge/mistake: Looking for physical evidence to ‘prove’ your success.
Best practice:
Feeling the flow of love and joy is a precursor to physical evidence. Focus on the joy and love first, and the evidence will come. - Challenge/mistake: Surrounding yourself with other successful people, but feeling ‘less than’ and riding on their coat tails.
Best practice:
Be the leader of yourself and know that you are the source of the joy and love that will determine your success – now. - Challenge/mistake: Thinking of success in limited ways, such as only considering $ indicators.
Best practice:
Think of success as an ‘abundance bucket’ that can show-up in an infinite variety of ways. Let go, be open to being surprised at the variety of ways wealth can show up! - Challenge/mistake: Expecting the path forward to be linear and logical.
Best practice: Think of a windy path or 100 different tacks that you might take. Those who are wander are not lost. Nothing is ever wasted. Don’t try to make sense of the path and you’ll be fine. - Challenge/mistake: Finding security in a well thought-out plan.
Best practice:
In the path of joy, security comes from knowing that you don’t need to know, and trusting that all you do need to have is clarity about the next step you’ll take. Get good at sorting through the noise related to your next step – use your heart as the filter. When you know your next step, move with confidence.
What do you think? What has been key to you making money doing what you love? What challenges are you facing now?
Can You Really Be Anything You Want? Lessons from the Stockdale Paradox…
U.S. Vice Admiral James Bond Stockdale
I cleaned out my office today & ran across an index card with the Stockdale Paradox on it. In case you’re not familiar with the Stockdale Paradox, Jim Collins describes it in his book, “Good to Great” as:
“Retain the faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties AND confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.”
I highly recommend reading about Jim Stockdale in this wiki to learn more about his experience as a Vietnam POW & how he was able to survive when many others didn’t: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale.
Surviving a POW camp is in no way comparable to conducting a job search or developing your career, but there are important lessons we can learn from Jim Stockdale’s experience.
Got Faith?
Stockdale said he never doubted he would prevail and turn this horrific experience into a 
defining event in his life. He never lost faith.
I think about a time when I was in a job that felt like a prison to me. I felt victimized, like I had no choices. But that wasn’t true. I did have choices. I hired a coach and started working on a plan to not just get me out of there but to really envision a future for myself. I read somewhere that faith is passionate trust. I trusted myself to know what I really wanted, and I trusted God to show me the way.
The Brutal Facts
Stockdale says we must have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of our current reality. There are two important points here – defining reality and discipline.
What is reality? I heard someone say, “If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.” Well, just like Stockdale, I believe the facts DO count.
There are certain facts about you that should be a factor in your career development. This is the brutal reality of YOU – the brilliant you, and it’s important that you know what it is and can sufficiently describe it to others.
And then there’s the other side of reality such as the people who show up on American Idol who can’t carry a tune and can’t understand why they aren’t chosen. Or the person who doesn’t want to learn anything new and thinks they can coast to retirement. Or the person who knows their performance has been lagging but thinks people won’t notice. This is our blind spot, and it is essential to make that spot as small as possible.
After you have a good idea of your reality, it’s time for discipline. Discipline might conjure up some images as being grounded or a drill sergeant commanding you to take 100 pushups in the freezing rain, but consider another definition of discipline: “self-control, training for improvement, and a systematic method.”  It seems to me that discipline is at the heart of leadership, so when it comes to determining our careers, it is essential to have a system in place to help us reach our dreams (strategies, intentions, goals). I hired a coach, increased my knowledge, and put a system in place to be more accountable so that I could expand my choices.
So, CAN be anything you want? Â Maybe! Use these tips to guide you in deciding what you really, really want:
- Take a look at the brutal reality of you. Who are you, and what are your strengths (skills, knowledge, abilities)? What is important to you? What would make you want to go work every day full of energy and passion?
- Have the discipline to do what it takes to get you what you want. Invest in yourself by hiring a coach, going back to school, updating your resume, networking, etc. Stop doing those things that are getting in the way of what you want.
- Have faith that you will prevail despite difficult circumstances.
- Allow yourself to be surprised. Don’t wrap up your life so tightly that you miss some amazing detours off your path.
Do you have something else to add to this discussion? If so, I’d love to hear from you!
Posted in Career, Coaching, Diane's Ponderings, Energy Map, Essence Map, Leadership, Lessons | 
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IAM Learning Community 2010 Intention and Goals!
Happy New Year everyone! I felt sluggish about starting back to work in 2010, and then I talked with Diane about our intentions for IAM and our work together for the new year and got all fired up! (This is how you know when you’re working with a great person!)
Here’s the intention statement that Diane and I drafted together:
We intend to create a healthy, creative, inspiring and evolving instance of conscious capitalism, where success is defined in broad and very personal ways … and we:
- re-energize old truths
- develop new ways and ideas of working and living
- work in harmony with the environment
- create wealth for and with many people
- experience abundance in everything we do
Our goals for 2010 include:
- 1000 paying members (10,000 is our BHAG goal!)
- IAM Career SMART! launched and actively being used
- Less text and more video
- More examples
- More information about context/big picture
- IAM Coach community is well established
- Support coaches moving into social media/marketing and online delivery
- Make it simple to do what you love, and do it well
- Combine our brilliance to create more than we could alone
- E-course in place to bring on new coaches in place
- Membership package for coaches in place
- Collaboration process well established
- Tools, guidance and systems in place
- Examples of successful collaboration with us (time management and organization, for example)
- Examples of successful collaboration without us (members fly on their own)
- E-course in place to bring on new collaborators
- Membership package for collaborators in place
- 2-3 mutually beneficial partnerships in place
- Conscious Capitalism Institute, for example
- Joint venture/affiliate program in place
Given what we accomplished in 2009, these goals feel very focused and quite doable. I’m thrilled with moving forward … I can’t wait to play!
I felt sluggish about starting back to work in 2010, and then I talked with Diane about our intentions for IAM and our work together for the new year and got all fired up! (This is how you know when you’ve got the right collaborator!)
Here’s the intention statement that Diane and I drafted together:
We intend to create a healthy, creative, inspiring and evolving instance of conscious capitalism, where success is defined in broad and very personal ways … and we:
· re-energize old truths
· develop new ways and ideas of working and living
· work in harmony with the environment
· create wealth for and with many people
· experience abundance in everything we do
Our goals for 2010 include:
· 1000 paying members (10,000 is out our BHAG goal!)
· IAM Career SMART! launched and actively being used
o Less text and more video
o More examples
o More information about context/big picture
· IAM Coach community is well established
o Support coaches moving into social media/marketing and online delivery
o Make it simple to do what you love, and do it well
o Combine our brilliance to create more than we could alone
o E-course in place to bring on new coaches in place
o Membership package for coaches in place
· Collaboration process well established
o Tools, guidance and systems in place
o Examples of successful collaboration with us (time management and organization, for example)
o Examples of successful collaboration without us (members fly on their own)
o E-course in place to bring on new collaborators
o Membership package for collaborators in place
· 2-3 mutually beneficial partnerships in place
o Conscious Capitalism Institute, for example
o Joint venture/affiliate program
Being Your Best in 2010
Happy 2010! Last year was a year of laying the foundation for our movement of transforming work and life so everyone can be their best. I learned a lot about myself last year and this year promises to stretch me even further. I’m super excited about that!
I have been wondering about you and your intentions for 2010, specifically how you’ll anchor in more deeply to being your best. Last year a client told me she had selected a word of the year to guide her throughout the year. She got the idea from Christine Kane (www.christinekane.com). Today I read a blog by Chris Brogan who chooses 3 words each year. Read his blog here: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/my-3-words-for-2010/#comment-27738450.
Last year my word was recriprocal, and it served me very well. Last week I began thinking about my word for 2010. I decided to let go of trying to figure it out and just trust God for my word. The strangest thing happened. I had a dream and the word, enamor, came to me in my sleep. I can’t remember the details, but when I woke up, the word was firmly in my mind.
Now, mind you, I have vivid, sometimes strange dreams, and I have never had a dream where a word was given to me. Also, as I get older, I find that my memory fails me when I try to remember certain words, but I easily recall this word throughout the day. Also, not surprisingly enamor is not part of my normal conversations. 
So, although I don’t know if I will add more words to my word of the year, I am definitely keeping enamor. I look forward to playing with my word of the year, peeling it back like an onion, to help me be my best and help others do the same.
What do you think about choosing a word or words for 2010? Take a look at Christine’s video on her blog and/or read Chris Brogan’s blog post and see if choosing a word(s) is something you might want to participate in this year. And be sure to let me know. I’m planning to write about my word at least monthly if not more often throughout the year. I’d love to support you in your word choice.
Many blessings to you and those you love in 2010! May you feel love in a big way (enamor)…
Posted in Coaching, Community, Diane's Ponderings, Essence Map, Leadership, Touchstones, Vision |
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Left out of Reindeer Games, Hanging out on the Isle of Misfit Toys, Monsters in Your Way?
What would Christmas be without Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer? The original story was created in 1939 by Robert May an employee of Montgomery Ward. May is said to have created the story based on his own childhood where he was taunted for being shy and small. 
In the tv special, Rudolph wasn’t allowed to play in the reindeer games because of his bright, shiny, red nose. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he just didn’t fit in. He and Hermey, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, didn’t fit in either and so they head out on their own. In one of their songs, they sing, “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit … seems I don’t fit in.”
Boy oh boy, have I been in situations like Rudolph and Hermey. At times I felt like I was on the island of misfit toys. I knew I wasn’t a nitwit and neither were those other folks; it just wasn’t a good fit. That’s when I decided to be the leader of me and find/create a tribe that fits me. With a wonderful community of support, I charted my own course. If others want to laugh and tease me, so be it.
Seth Godin, in his book, Tribes, says what Karen & I have been saying all along – that everyone is a leader and we need you to lead – yourself first. I feel very strongly that when you determine what you want, you’ll be in a much better position to help others get what they want, and then you’ll create something extraordinary together as leaders.
Maybe you’ve been excluded from the proverbial “reindeer games,” or felt like you don’t fit in, or have encountered some monsters on your path. If you choose to, you can return back to your brilliant essence, shine brightly, and lead – with noses of all different colors, shapes and sizes. With a community cheering you on and supporting you, there’s no telling what you’ll accomplish – in your business, your organization, your home, your school … everywhere!
What Is My Gift?
I’ve been reading the poetry of Henry Walker for a while now, just waiting for the right poem to share with you. I saw it this morning. I thought it was perfect, especially since I’ve been noodling with a new level of understanding of this Winter/Christmas holiday season. Where I arrived: in giving gifts we are trying to remember that we ARE the gift.
Henry has been teaching for over 40 years at the Carolina Friends School where our sons attend school. He has been and continues to be a gift to so many people, including my precious family. Thank you Henry.
what is my gift?
what is my gift?
the light that is most mine to give,
that gift that can shine
while I use the tools I have within my kit?
my gift is my heart,
the caring within me
that wells up and overflows out of me,
that which powers me to see what I see in my photography,
the twinkle of the eye as the wonder within a person
gives me a flash of itself,
the angle, the moment, the possibility
that lets a waterfall, a sunset, a flower, a mountain
reveal its own heart,
and the possible becomes actual,
it is the caring that powers my teaching
so that I can touch a wholeness who can self-organize
if given space, foundation, encouragement, release,
while it needs so much to resist all
that pulls down at its reaching and that rewards the base,
for now words are my familiar, my agents,
the sous chefs who help me fathom the depths, encompass the breadth,
reach up and back to the source,
how relatively easy it is to know the “how” of action,
it’s the heart that gives the “why,” the “where,” the “when,”
and then the “how” knows what to do–
and there’s a picture, a learner,
and sometimes a poem.
by Henry Walker
December 14, â€09
Conscious Capitalism Needs Conscious Individuals
Thanks to Chris Scholle at Social SAM for making me aware of a new movement via Twitter:Â Conscious Capitalism . The movement was launched with a conference on October 20-23 of this year. They say the reason they are launching this movement is:
“Business today needs a new paradigm, because “business as usual” is just not working anymore. Environmental consciousness is exploding; public distrust of business is at an historic high; many employees and customers are disconnected from the companies they work for or buy from; suppliers feel squeezed; communities often organize to keep certain businesses out. The traditional approach to business is like an old operating system that is no longer adequate and needs to be replaced. It is becoming increasingly evident that the old operating system of capitalism is simply not up to the demands being placed upon it in the new millennium.” (Why Now page)What a thrill is was for me to read these words!
Our intention in developing the IAM movement is to transform the way we work and live so that everyone can be their best. The basis of our work, the starting point of every product or service we offer, the point we revisit over and over again, is to bring people back to their “essential best.” We define “essential best” as the awake, infinite, abundant, expanding, conscious part of each of us.
The reason we landed with this approach for the IAM body of work can best be explained by the Einstein quote: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” I’ve also seen this quote where ‘thinking’ was replaced with ‘consciousness.’ Another way of looking at what Einstein was saying: there is nothing more important to address than the evolution or transformation of our consciousness if we are going to work and live in ways that move beyond the problems or struggles we experience (what we like to call drama!)
What I know is that Conscious Capitalism requires individuals that see the transformation of their individual awareness as the first priority of anything they do, whether in business or their family life. This very personal process of evolving awareness is necessary for Conscious Capitalism to be different than traditional capitalism, otherwise we will be recreating the same problems that currently exist, as Einstein so poignantly described.
Our contribution to Conscious Capitalism includes use of the IAM Maps: the Essence Map (a map of consciousness), the Energy Map (a guide to dynamic self knowledge and understanding energy flow) and the Navigational Compass (a way of navigating through personal development and business development – which links individual internal conscious to external practical realities).
Some of the key aspects of IAM movement that contribute to the Conscious Capitalism movement:
- Start with individual consciousness first: Group, societal and environmental factors are important and change begins within. As within, so without. Individual consciousness is needed to embody evolving conscious leadership.
- Anchor in abundance based thinking: Scarcity thinking is the root of all conflict. Teaching and practicing “both/and” thinking is required for foundational and incremental conscious action that will benefit the whole, rather than being reductionist and benefiting a few. Abundance based thinking is essential if we are to experience mutual exchange of value and mutual benefit.
- Develop awareness of self as energy: Without the ability to separate our awareness of self from physical realities, shifting to awareness of ’self as energy’, it is impossible to participate in the transformation of capitalism to conscious forms. Until we shift our focus from drama to our essential best (energy self), alignment of our efforts will only create more drama, recreating old patterns, instead of aligning our values, strengths and passions to create new realities.
- Connect personal and business: Business can not become conscious if people do not bring their whole, evolving, conscious selves to work. Personal growth is required for business growth, and we need language, concepts and maps for making these connections concrete and practical.
- Connect to nature: Being reductionist and overly profit driven has caused people and businesses to become disconnected from the natural rhythms of life, living and indeed the environment. Ways to connect to nature are critical in remembering our wholeness, in re-establishing a healthy relationship with our planet and in generating financial prosperity.
- Address defense mechanisms: Until we can consciously and actively participate as a collective in healing from defensive patterns, we will not be able to fully participate in the sharing of information and resources. Full transparency and openness in our processes requires the ability to ‘love our way through’ our patterns of separation.
There are many aspects of both IAM and Conscious Capitalism that we have yet to discover. Yet if you look at these aspects here, we have a solid foundation to start with! The IAM body of work quickly and easily helps people work with the capabilities I have described here.
There are more aspects of IAM that contribute to Conscious Capitalism, and I’ll continue to add to this list. For those of you who are familiar with IAM, help me draw the connection between the work we are doing and what you would like to see Conscious Capitalism be. Let’s participate NOW in carrying both of these movements forward!
Should I look for a job or start a new business?
I tend to attract clients who are ready, really ready, to change and influence how work gets done. They see how being unhappy in a job is detrimental to themselves and a business. They see how the surplus of chaos and stupidity in organizations has got to change. They are reluctant to participate in ‘business as usual.’
My clients include newly liberated free spirits (laid off people) who would do just about anything to not contribute to business as usual. Or people who are currently employed who have woken up to the reality that ‘business as usual’ is failing and they are proactively interviewing for new jobs or exploring startup options.
These folks are determined to contribute to a more evolved way of working and conducting business, for themselves and society. They are people who typically have the resources to take time to rethink how they’ve been working and are motivated to create better ways not just for themselves but also for generations to come. They are not going back to the way things have been!
Imagine these same folks interviewing for jobs with people who don’t get it, folks who are blindly ’sheep walking’Â thinking the dinosaur they work for is still strong. I could focus on these businesses – how to attract top talent, how to survive in a radically changing economy, but I’ll leave that for another post!
Given how these interviews with sheep walkers are going, my enlightened clients are discouraged, wondering how to proceed, and asking ’should I look for a job or start a new business?’
My advice to these folks, initially, is to proceed as if the job or the business startup were one and the same. In both cases you start with the following questions:
- What is the work that will most fully leverage my essential best?
- What am I passionate about creating or contributing to in the world?
By flushing out the first question, you determine how you can best create value for others – eventually matching your gifts with a compelling need that people have.
By considering the second question, you determine the markets, areas of industry, and business you would target, either in a job search or business startup.
I have heard that outplacement firms are advising folks to consider what companies they want to work for. This is a nice idea, a start to considering what you want. But it doesn’t take things far enough for my clients. It leaves these questions hanging:
- How do I make sure that my next job or work is not business as usual?
- How can the next stage of my career contribute to creating more visionary, evolved, effective, dynamic ways of working?
These are practical questions that, when carefully considered, will put you at the leading edge of the job seeking, business creating crowd – moving toward work that will be viable and sustainable in the future. These questions help you bypass or pull yourself out of the dying cycle of ‘finding that job or startup that pays the bills but is in a dying dinosaur business that will just lead to another layoff or struggle in a short amount of time …’
These are not questions that should land you in a dark corner, meditating on your navel, afraid to venture out into a scary world where people are still in a stupor or where uncertainty creates confusion.
Instead, these questions lead to the adventure of explorative conversations with people about the unknown, or the chaos of our times … from which you can see new needs that uniquely match your gifts, perspective and vision … or from which new opportunities or order emerges.
I recommend a tight cycle of personal reflection/journaling/learning and venturing out to talk with people about what’s needed, what’s possible, what’s inspiring. Back and forth between reflection and action, that eventually leads to finding jobs or creating business that often didn’t exist before.
Some examples, based on personal and client experience:
- coach and consultant with background in technology, business and organizational change leverages new developments in social media and networking to contribute to the evolution in consciousness and business (that’s me!)
- technology marketing specialist participates in a startup business bringing a new, locally sourced bio-fuel to market as an alternative to petroleum diesel
- ICU nurse with MBA creates new job/startup helping doctors evolve their businesses so they can bypass insurance companies
- artist, knowledge management expert, change leader combines radically diverse gifts to move work toward business startup using artistic talents to capture learning and tell stories of successful change efforts, that will be used to inspire and guide new change efforts
From these examples, you can see people uniquely combining their gifts and experiences to meet a current need while also participating in creating a world they want to see emerge. The way forward demands ‘business as un-usual!’ And your strategy could include a job or startup, depending on what you bring, the need you are meeting, and the future you want to create both for yourself and for the world.
So what’s the next step for you?
The Delay Factor: Transforming Creative Opportunities into Creativity Now
I recently talked with a member of our IAM Learning Community about what direction he might take his work. So many possibilities! So little experience discerning what he really wants! One of his biggest challenges is simply knowing where to focus.
If you think about it, ‘too many choices’ would be a common challenge when connecting to the abundant, infinite space of our essential selves – what we like to call our essential best. When you break free of external limitations, when you realize that anything really is possible, the buffet table of options can be vast.
Except that the choices that are right for us are not infinite. What was interesting in this conversation was hearing how this person, like so many of us, was looking for ‘opportunities to be creative’. This is also a marker of transforming your work and life so that you can be your best: creativity becomes key. In looking for ”opportunities to be creative’, my friend identified what I like to call ‘the delay factor’: when creativity and joy is a destination, not an integral part of our choice making, a tool we can use to narrow our focus and prioritize our options.
Creating work and life that reflects our best selves happens when we start from creativity and joy:
- What brings you joy right now in this very moment?
- If your creativity was an energetic fuel that wants to move through you, what’s first thing you would do now?
When we tune into our joy and creativity now, we hone our ability to know what we want and make the choices that will create the future we really want. The wrong job or the poor business deal didn’t happen when things went wrong; it happened back in the beginning when we were unclear about our joy and creativity.
A friend of mine says that we vote every day. How true this is! We don’t create the results we experience in a singular event like an election. We create results every step of the way – in ways we participate in every day life.
The dark side of the ‘delay factor’ is the source of this pattern of thinking. Where does it come from? Many religious traditions have misinterpreted sacred teaching to go something like this: “if you are good, then, and only then, you’ll go to heaven.” I’m not interested in whether this idea is right or wrong. I AM interested in what this thinking does to people: “if you are good” is typically determined by some rule or dogma we are supposed to follow.
The thing I have an issue with is how these religions ideas have permeated society and created generations of us who have given our power to others who determine ‘what is good for us’. Heaven later instead of heaven now in the form of joy and creativity is the source of the delay factor. It is also the source of most oppression and persecution in the world.
So snapping out of patterns of delay become critical in several ways:
- It’s key narrowing focus and choice that leads to the right work and life for us: real success
- It contributes to a societal shift away from oppression to empowerment
Are you ready for joy and creativity now? Are you ready for heaven on earth here and now? Does it sound crazy to think about joy and heaven right now, this very instant? What ‘yea buts’ come to mind?
Curious about what you think …
Here’s to the Crazy Ones!
I found this on the internet and thought it was perfect for how I would describe the IAM Learning Community. It’s a quote by Jack Kerouac in an Apple Computer ad, 1997.
Here’s to the Crazy Ones
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits. The rebels.
The troublemakers. The round
pegs in the square holes – the
ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules and
they have no respect for
the status quo. You can praise
them, disagree with them,
quote them, disbelieve them,
glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing that you
can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
Cheers to us! Cheers to you! … All the crazy ones who are tired of the status quo!
Career Guidance: Should I Take the Job or Wait?
Something that frequently comes up with folks I’ve worked with either as a recruiter or a career coach is this quandary of whether or not to take a job that pays a lot less than what you want. It’s a tricky dilemma, but consider the following scenarios:
Andrew has been searching for full-time work for 9 months. He is offered a job with XYZ company, but the pay is much lower than what he wants. After much consideration, Andrew takes the job and it isn’t long before he is making an impact. After 3 months on the job, the GM is so impressed with Andrew’s ideas for improvement and performance, he offers him a promotion with a bonus.
Contrast Andrew with Brandy. Brandy has been out of work for 10 months. She was offered a full-time job but turned it down because the pay was too low. Brandy said she would “just wait it out.” Brandy is still waiting, and foreclosure is eminent.
Many times people get confused about taking a job that is not exactly what they want. I understand the dilemma. Some situations have a lot of complexity to them, so there is much to consider.
Here’s my take:
- Talk the situation through with someone … be curious and open. You may not have considered all the options available to you. Getting help means you are strong, not weak.
- No job comes with a lifetime guarantee or commitment – from either side (employer/employee). If the job doesn’t work out, you can look for something else. Now you’re in an even better position because you’ve likely learned a few things you can put in your “career toolkit.”
- Every situation carries an element of risk to it. It’s important to weigh your options, but get some help if you have “decision constipation.” There are numerous tools available to help with your decision
- Make sure you understand as much as you possibly can about every job offer. What is the potential for advancement? Does the company invest in people development? What is the fiscal health of the company/organization? It pays to do your research.
- Sometimes people are in a situation where they have to take a job they don’t really want – completely understandable these days. Just remember, there is a big difference between taking a job that pays the bills temporarily and denying your gifts to the world.
Let me know how I can help you. I want to know about your challenges and successes.
Groups That Reflect Enlightened Consciousness
Last night I was re-reading Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth”. I read the following:
“As the new consciousness emerges, some people will feel called upon to form groups that reflect the enlightened consciousness. These groups will not be collective egos. The individuals who make up these groups will have no need to define their identity through them.
Even if the members that make up those groups are not totally free of ego yet, there will be enough awareness in them to recognize the ego in themselves or in others as soon as it appears. However, constant alertness is required since the ego will try to take over and reassert itself in any way it can.
Dissolving the human ego by bringing it into the light of awareness – this will be one of the main purposes of these groups, whether they be enlightened business, charitable organizations, schools, or communities of people living together.
Enlightened collectives will fulfill an important function in the arising of the new consciousness. Just as egoic collectives pull you into unconsciousness and suffering, the enlightened collective can be a vortex for the consciousness that will accelerate the planetary shift.” (A New Earth, page 126 – 127)
The IAM Learning Community is on a path of enlightened consciousness! We are an energetic vortex of pure, positive energy!
Tolle describes our intention almost perfectly:Â we are here to transform the way we work (careers) and live so we can all be our best. This intention includes health, wellness, following our callings – in business and entrepreneurial endeavors.
Tolle’s use of the word ‘ego’ is confusing. We prefer to call what Tolle is talking about ‘drama‘ as way of bringing lightness and non-judgment to those parts of us that are trapped in scarcity and fear. I do believe that shining the light of awareness on drama is what allows enlightened consciousness to flourish… and this is also an intention of our community.
We like to say:
Drama Happens
Struggle is Optional
Let Your Brilliance Shine!
So be it!
Challenging the Idea of Confidentiality
I’ve had two compelling incidents in the last couple of months that got me seriously considering confidentiality. 1) I wanted to share a concern with a fellow consultant about a client organization we both work with – a concern that emerged from my coaching in the client organization. 2) A family member came to me for confidential help in their career search process.
Both situations left me feeling uncomfortable about agreements I made to ‘keep things quiet’ – agreements which I ultimately broke because they didn’t align with my values.
Some background. My education in Organization Development at American University strongly influenced how I feel about collusion. Studies in group dynamics designed to understand how the Holocaust happened have demonstrated that collective or mass behavior can be influenced by just one person speaking up and saying “I don’t agree with this.” By not colluding.
An example, look at how the Dutch versus the Danes handled the German persecution of Jews: The Dutch resisted covertly, by hiding and protecting Jews (sometimes) while they mostly avoided direct confrontation with the Germans. The Danes resisted overtly, led by the King of Denmark, by collectively putting on the ‘Star of David’ armband used to identify Jews. The Germans were stymied in Denmark by the bold action of the people of Denmark. The Danes refused to collude with the Germans in any way, and in so doing saved thousands of Jewish lives.
These are extreme examples, yet they are born out of everyday mundane thoughts and behaviors. A pattern of thinking and behavior practiced by much of WWII era society was: follow the rules, then we’ll all be safe and we’ll all get along. If I obey those in authority, whether in my family or otherwise, all will be well. To ‘make waves’ by speaking up was generally taboo.
Since my studies at American, I have been committed to open and transparent communication. I am delighted by the internet, technology and web 2.0 business practices (see the book “What Would Google Do”) that facilitate and value open dialogue.
With my coaching however, and assumed ‘confidentialities’ between coach and client, where details of a coaching conversation must be kept between coach and client, I’ve experienced some interesting challenges to my commitment to openness. I want to firmly state here that details of my coaching conversations remain confidential. Clients are responsible for revealing details of their lives with others as they are comfortable. (ADDED NOTE: My thinking on this has evolved – please see follow-on comments for details!)
At the same time, if I see a pattern of behavior emerging from my coaching conversations that is relevant to the overall health of a group, an organization, or society, I will speak up. This can be done without revealing details of client-coach conversations.
To create healthy dialaogue with successful outcomes, when people are being ‘open and transparent’, a common understanding of intention and process is needed. Otherwise open and transparent conversation can become mudslinging or gossiping, which can ultimately be just as destructive as quiet collusion.
The IAM Touchstones and the IAM Maps are what I have developed to create this common intention and process. And as a summary … the biggest obstacle I see to open and transparent communication is the need people have (including myself) to keep secret things about themselves they are uncomfortable with, or to protect or defend themselves from a perceived threat.
Examples: people would think I’m bad if they knew I had had an affair, or something bad might happen if people knew I was looking for a job. The assumption here is that somehow I’m bad or wrong:Â our human faults are ‘bad’ and our desires for something better must be hidden. The core underlying beliefs: it is shameful to make a mistake and life does not support us in striving for what we want …
So, in the spirit of conversation as an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, to grow into our evolving potential and to heal from those places we cut ourselves off from our true nature which IS love … I will not agree to any confidential conversation outside the bounds of a client/coach conversation.
By speaking up I am thus taking a stand for the transformative power of conversation. I am honoring the gift our humanity is to each other. And I am directly challenging the common belief that people are fundamentally flawed.
So there! That felt so good to say. These ideas have been burbling and gurgling around inside of me for quite a while and sharing feels really, really good.
How about you? To what extent are you willing to be open and transparent in conversation? To be vulnerable when you feel a need to protect or defend yourself?
And the older generations might take a cue from younger folks and their seemingly brazen openness … what do you suppose is compelling young people to be so ‘out there’ and what can you learn from them?
Life is Art
Each of us is an artist with creative energies to gift the world. Let’s make our work and life our artistic palate and create the most wonderous masterpieces we can imagine.
Art IS everywhere!
My life is my greatest work of art!
How is your life a work of art?
Why It’s Time for Both Doing and Being
I met with a former client today – I love hearing stories of how people are moving forward with the work we’ve done together. Doing versus being was a big part of our conversation … how we need both in the practical combining of our spiritual energy and creation of things.
What struck me about our conversation was how people coming from very spiritual perspectives can be uncomfortable with language like ‘making things happen’ and practical topics like ‘making money.’ Similarly, people coming from practical perspectives, especially financial, can eschew language such as ‘being as a way to create value’.
I believe now is the time for these two perspectives to come together.
Think about it: How often have you seen the practical entrepreneur who acts without regard for matters of the spirit and heart – that becomes a callous, shallow (and not very effective) doer? Or the spiritual devotee who reads, and reads books, but isn’t investing their beliefs into practical endeavors?
Doing without being, and vice versa, results in a life lived without courage and risk taking. Both extremes are hiding out in ’safe houses’ of tradition – either focused on ivory tower intellectual pursuits or seeking safety in the daily grind where doing is the caffeine of the high achiever.
How about doing that is inspired by our being? That is infused with our creative passions and sense of purpose?
How are you living your live by both being and doing?
From Lemons to Lemonade
Hi Everyone! It’s good to be back on the blog! We took an unexpected break from writing when we realized that we had a huge opportunity to shift our single product delivery of IAM Career SMART! to a multi-product, community, social networking experience. We literally made this transition in 6 weeks. And it’s been a whirlwind…
Have you ever had the experience of just know when something is right and then you dive in 100%? That’s what happened to me.
Six weeks and one day ago, I had a conversation with George Tran (www.socialmarketingman.com) that catapulted me forward what feels like light years. I was talking with George because I was frustrated with the Learning Management System (LMS) we were using to deliver IAM Career SMART!.
The old LMS felt like a lemon. It worked ok – we were trying to make a go if it – but we couldn’t seem to get traction. Ok, honestly, we didn’t try very hard. We released the product on the old site, had a lukewarm response, and then I asked myself where I was holding myself back.
My honest answer to myself: I didn’t feel like the LMS was a solid platform on which we could build our business and I wasn’t feeling the love from the people providing the LMS. As a matter of fact, my experience with them had gotten to the point that I was weary with every interaction with them. Not a good sign.
Enter George Tran. In one 1.5 hour conversation I was lit on fire. I saw how everything I had been working toward with the IAM material could be supported by his Social Sam platform. Our values of abundance, living life in beta, being real and transparent, building relationships with people, giving people lots of access to information and free help – plus purchase when people were ready -Â was supported by this product. I also discovered a word to now use when describing IAM: a movement.
From here things just came together. Now, I’m feeling really grateful for the ‘old LMS’ experience. We learned a ton about what we wanted – and what we didn’t want. We are grateful for the incredible functionality available with our new system, and for the multiple people supporting the system and the many, many positive customer service experiences we have already had. George likes to call these ‘wow’ experiences. We’ve been wowed.
So, we’ve gone from lemons to lemonade, and we’re savoring and enjoying the lemonade more than you can imagine!
You can checkout our new site at www.iamlearningcommunity.com. We are waiting for a credit card processing bug to be fixed, and then we will launch to a core group of what we’re calling Seed Members – people who will help us launch and found this community.
Check it out … if you are a hummingbird, I know you’ll enjoy! (Watch the video on the front/home page and you’ll find out what I’m talking about…)
Ending the Insanity of Conflict
What’s more insane than the conflicts we see between nations and individuals? Wherever conflict arises, whether in our local families or nation communities, there is one simple solution to struggle of any kind: caring for ourselves.
How could conflict resolution be so simple? An example: the socially liberal daughter and the financially conservative father whose conflicting views have made it impossible for them to enjoy each other.
Conflict exists only when we find ourselves in either/or situations: either her liberal views or his conservative ones. Either/or situations happen when we see our family or community as too small to include our views (or needs).
It’s very tempting to blame the community when either/or situations happen: “I don’t fit in this family or â€this group’ won’t accept my views.” True enough – this happens! Yet we now know without a doubt that the world is big enough for each of us to find a place where our views belong. Somewhere!
We create impossible situations when honoring of our views is dependent on “the other” person or community. Conflict is inevitable if the daughter’s liberal views are honored only if the father agrees and vice versa.
The trick to getting past this dependence on â€the other’ is for us to care for or love ourselves enough to find that space and place of acceptance and love within. Once we love on the inside, the outside comes easily. We create communities that love our views.
What often happens is that the daughter’s liberal views are respected by the father once she no longer needs her father to agree – when the daughter belongs to a community where her views are appreciated. Once we experience respect for our views – we are free to confidently and productively explore our differences.
Making self-care a priority, practicing relentless self love creates situations where delight in our differences is possible. Limiting our expectations to the co-existence of diverse views implies toleration of â€the other’.
What I want is delight in â€the other’. What are the fathers’ conservative concerns and why?
I can only listen deeply to and enjoy the gifts of a radically different view if I confidently love myself and am willing to stretch …
All it takes is for one person to practice self-love and stretch, for delight in the views of “the other” to be experienced. From that one person loving, a family can love. If a family can love, a community can love. If a community can love, a nation can love and end conflict with its enemies….
Ending the insanity of conflict between nations will come from one person having the courage to â€love thine enemy’. Which takes loving myself. Really, it’s as simple as that.
So can you imagine ending conflict being as simple as self-love? What are the “yea, buts” that come to mind?
A Glorious Place in Between Selfishness and Selflessness…
When I first read the topic for this month’s newsletter, Caring for Myself, I immediately thought of spa days, mani-pedis, Sunday afternoon naps, and long vacations. Although there’s certainly nothing wrong with those ways of taking care of myself, I believe that taking care of myself involves a lot more.
I recently had a conversation with someone who felt she really couldn’t have what she wanted because it would be too selfish. That got me to thinking, what is selfish? And what is the opposite of selfish? Naturally I went to the dictionary to look up the definition of the words. Here’s what I found:
Selfish. Devoted to or caring for only one’s self; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare. We know these people – they are called narcissists. “Maria has been hoarding food for the past year, just in case something happens to the economy and she won’t have enough to eat.”
Selfless. Little or no concern for oneself. We know these people – they are called martyrs. “Antonio wouldn’t dare apply for a promotion. His boss really needs him to stay where he is because he is so valuable, so he’ll just stay put.”
Somewhere in between selfishness and selflessness is caring for ourselves, a glorious place where we get what we want and others get what they want as well. It’s a place of healing, growth, and love, starting with ourselves first.
What happens when we don’t care for ourselves and only give of ourselves? Depression, addiction, despair, anger, sadness, emptiness, negativity, and fearful thinking are all results of not taking care of ourselves or diminishing ourselves in service to others.
When I care for myself, I trust myself, express myself fully and authentically, love myself just as I am, and embrace my healing while also inviting others to do the same. What I am learning is that that there is plenty of room for caring for myself and caring for others. It doesn’t have to be one or the other – polarizing views of caring only for ourselves or caring only for others is a sure fire way to keep all of us on different paths with little ways of connecting with each other.
How would your life change if you found that glorious place inside yourself that has been crying out for acknowledgment? What polarizing views do you have about caring for yourself that have been limiting your healing or growth and/or the growth of others?
I’d love to hear from you!
Self-Care – One of Five Critical Factors That Support Achieving Transformational Goals
What are transformational goals?
Transformational goals not only have a direction and destination in mind, they create experiences for people to grow and evolve by stepping into a higher version of who they are.
Five critical factors that support achieving transformational goals:
- Passion Our passions motivate and inspire us to take action. Without passion our life can become mechanical and empty. Deep desire can give us the courage to take life –changing risks with determination and power in the face of fears and uncertainty.
- Fulfilling Your Life/Soul Purpose Having a sense of why we are here and what we are here to do gives meaning to our life. Making choices with a sense of purpose helps us to regain perspective when we feel confused, doubt, and fear. Our purpose reminds us of who we are when we slip into the dramas and details of our life.
- Solid Support and Accountability Surrounding yourself with people who can be objective, uplifting, encouraging, and forthright to cheer you on, challenge you to be great, kick you in the butt when you’re stalling, help you stand strong when facing fear, remind you of who you are when you forget, and hold you accountable to your purpose, passions, and vision makes a huge difference in going the distance and achieving success.
- Have a Strong Self-Care Regime Think of taking care of your body, mind, and spirit as an important element to your inner foundation. When we feel “fed” we can show up for the people, responsibilities and situations that we most care about with our best SELF. When we are depleted, over-extended, hungry, lonely, or angry, life becomes more burdensome. To check when you might be out of balance or in need of some self-care pronto, here are some common signals: taking things too personally, beating yourself up, irritability, over-reacting, resentment, anger, overwhelm, confusion, distracted, stressed, or tense. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now? What is my body asking for? What have I been ignoring?“ Then DO IT!
- Taking Inspired Action Listening to and following your gut instinct and intuition to guide your choices and actions can bring amazing opportunities into your life. It takes courage to take leaps of faith when we are motivated by fear. Inspiration comes from within; from our Divine “inner knowing” urging us to step into the unknown with faith and trust, often without a safety net. Our mind is an instrument with the ability to reason and assess situations that support us in making logical, sound choices that can motivate us to action when things makes sense.
Self-care is foundational to each of these factors in achieving transformational goals. Why settle for anything less than goals that inspire your personal evolution? And the self-care needed to transform?
Peeling Back the Layers
Like most things, whether we practice self-care isn’t reeeeeeally about self-care. We all know that exercise, balanced eating, reading books and napping when our bodies ask us to is good for us and feels great. So what gets in the way of us making space for this blissful existence??
I have clients who talk about taking time to read or go for a walk regularly as if it’s A) a lovely thought, but a pipe dream akin to winning the lottery because there’s just too much else to do B) something that would cause their families (and possibly the whole world!) to completely fall apart since they wouldn’t be there to hold it all together C) just flat-out selfish!
For most of us, there’s a dash of one or all of those flavors that holds us back from putting our wants and needs first or even equal to other people and priorities.
Two of my favorite books that peel back the layers on what’s really going on are The Power of Full Engagement and I Used to Have a Handle on Life But It Broke…Six Power Solutions for Women with Too Much to Do (there’s good stuff in the latter for the guys too!).
Both books demonstrate that a fulfilling, joyful, engaged life is created when we stop trying to â€keep up’, control, and push through, none of which are natural or productive. We become fully engaged (and best able to contribute to the rest of the world!) when we manage our energy first (an infinite resource) vs. our time (a finite resource).
Did you know that our bodies and brains follow a rhythm that’s based on a 90-120 minute cycle? That if we take mini-breaks in our attention, focus, and physical space based on that cycle that we greatly and immediately increase our energy, creativity, and productivity? It’s so logical, yet many of us still struggle with allowing ourselves to create the mini-breaks – let alone the big breaks!
Power Solutions:
- Micro-actions: Commit to something so small that it’s impossible not to do (read for just 1 minute before bed, get dressed to exercise – no exercise, just getting dressed, lay down for a 3 minute nap). Micro-actions move us from the wish, I want to do this, to the action, I can do this.
- Purpose: Spend some time getting in touch with what you really want – the more you care for yourself, the better able you can fulfill this purpose.
- Rituals: Discipline and will typically aren’t strong enough to overcome our underlying resistance to things like self-care. Create daily rituals that become as natural to you as brushing your teeth.
Take Action: What’s one micro-action you can take right now? What ritual can you commit to for a few days? (then another few days, then another, then another…!)
The business case for Focusing on the Essential
The Essence Map is a tool we have found useful in helping people to shift more and more into being at their best. It’s a tool I’d like to use to help transform how we conduct business, bringing with us the best of business, leaving behind once and for all those practices that deplete people, resources and the planet.
We use the Essence Map to talk about what is essential, and thus focus on the essential versus focusing on drama.
One of the tricky aspects of Focusing on the Essential is that it’s looking at something intangible. It’s like putting your trust in the wind: you can’t actually see it but you can see the effect it creates. How do you put your trust in something like the wind?
Here are some ideas I’ve put together to help us make the business case for Focusing on the Essential. I’d love to see these ideas evolve into something even more compelling and useful – with your help…
- Look at the benefits of focusing on the essential. Some possibilities:
- Full engagement
- Energy
- Creativity
- Innovation
- Health
- Productivity
- Focus
- Sustainability
- Look at the costs of drama. Some possibilities:
- Exhaustion
- Health issues
- Boredom
- Stress
- Distraction
- Burnout
- Insomnia
- Detachment
- False limitations
- Low productivity
- Decreased performance
- Sabotage
- Absenteeism
- Make it personal. What is your personal point of pain? What is the businesses point of pain? Identify a compelling need for change.
- Paint a picture. Use the Essence Map or some other way of demonstrating the cost of Drama. Emphasize that a different way is needed to achieve results that are liberated from the constraints of Drama.
- Bring hope. Ask questions about what people want. Access their desire for something better. Be relentless about seeing the Essential Best of each person you work with.
- Keep it simple. Stay clear by being at your own Essential Best. Drama is confusing and creates complexity.
- Take a stand. Be a leader for yourself and others – for being at your Essential Best and by coaching and challenging others to be at their Essential Best.
- Become an expert. Being able to shift from Drama to Essence over and over will give you the confidence to coach and lead others.
People have become confused. Many think that results and money are what is most important. What’s ironic is that when we focus on the essential, money and results are handled, often beyond our wildest imaginings. Now is an incredible time for us – as people remember that time with their families, their happiness, their sense of well being is most important. We have an opportunity to help translate these realizations into a more evolved way of conducting business.
The more clear we are about all of this, the easier it will be to create it – in simple, fun and easy ways!
So what are your ideas for making the business case for focusing on the essential? What gets you confused? What helps you stay clear? I’d love to hear from you …
What is Drama?
You’ve heard about drama haven’t you? Is the play or movie you’re going to see a drama or comedy? Or, how about the catchy phrase “save your drama for your mama” – a comment on our frustration with whiny people. Barack Obama made drama famous by asking people working on his campaign to skip the drama.
I like one of the Urban Dictionary’s definitions best: “making a big deal over something unnecessarily.”
I use the term ‘Drama’ to describe what it looks like when I’m not at my best. It’s a part of my Essence Map tool – a simple way of guiding myself and others in where we are in the process of waking up to the best of who we can be – ongoing.
Often Drama is perceived as negative. Whiny people are a pain. Who wants to be around someone going through a victim spiral? The Drama of miscommunication creates conflict. Drama in business can be very costly. Who has time or energy for it? Let’s be done with Drama!
And yet I want to encourage people to see the value in Drama. It’s entertaining (to some)! It provides opportunities for learning. It defines the edge of who we perceive ourselves to be. It offers territories of potential growth and new perspectives. Drama is cool!
So what’s the deal with Drama; is it good or is it bad? Neither!
Drama becomes problematic when we get stuck in it (think patterns of sabotage, dysfunction, addiction or victim behavior), when we use it to define our identity (I’m a worrier, busy, overwhelmed), or when we attribute our Drama to other people (how arrogant of you to ask what you want from me).
Drama becomes an opportunity when we can see ourselves as separate from it, when we use it as fuel for our creative energies, when we learn from it by transforming feeling bad about it into loving ourselves.
Making the distinction between Drama and our Essential Best or Essence becomes powerful when we use it to consciously choose where we focus our attention. Thus, one of our introductory workshops is “Focusing on the Essential“. We access our powerful selves (as in power with, not power over) when we focus on what is essential. We fall into being our small selves when we focus on Drama.
So I think one of the most important choices we can make, day after day, is whether to focus on our Essential Best or our Drama. Our focus determines how we feel (happy or sad), what we see (possibilities or limitations), what we know (wisdom or confusion), what we achieve (positive results or struggle).
Now I’m curious. What is Drama from your perspective? How do you make the best of Drama? How do you keep perspective? How do you leverage it? How does it entertain you? Or beleager you? (Is that a word, beleager?) You know – bring you down … I’d love to know!
What is Essential?
I presented our “Focusing on the Essential” material to the Raleigh ICF chapter (coaches) this week and had a great time creating new learning with this group of people. It was a super fun experience …
I usually start my sessions with folks by asking what they expect to get out of the conversation … I want people to have skin in the game with me. One person said she “wanted to know what I thought was essential”. I responded by saying I wanted to know what she and everyone else thought was Essential!
So I introduce people to the idea of the Essential by asking, “What does it look like, feel like (in your body), smell like or taste like when you are at your best?” People respond by putting one word or phrase on a yellow/gold piece of paper in the center of a circle, as many thoughts/paper as they’d like. This group generated a huge amount of information. My response to this person’s question: “What you see here is what’s Essential”.
Here’s what they wrote:
- Energy – Tingling, Radiating, Full of
- Magic
- Contributing
- Making a Difference
- Motivation
- Laughing
- Connecting with someone else
- Play
- Being real
- Exuberant
- Happy
- Full
- Easy/effortless
- Breezy
- Warmth in my heart and gut
- Open
- From within
- In flow
- So interesting!
- Joyful
- Juicy
- Satisfying
- Fun
- Whole
- Well-rested
- Grateful
- Smiling
- Clear
- Heartfelt
- Content
- Clear channel to my talents and strengths
- Sharing
- Sense of well-being
- Asking questions
- Fantastic
- Great
- A bright sky with the wind blowing through the apple blossoms
- Powerful
- Irresistible
- Dark chocolate
- Worthy
- Relaxed
- Glowing
- Exciting
- Natural
- Me
- Clicking
- Raw
- Productive
- Creative
- Shine
- Active
- Attracting others
- Full of possibilities
- Free
- Intuitive
- Energized and powerful like a mountain stream
- Spontaneous and joyful like a mockingbird’s song
- Amazing
- Light
- Light, weightless, and effervescent like a down comforter with 1000 thread count sheets
- Connected to center/core of self
- Calm
- Attentive
- Grounded
- Confident
- Sparkling
- Peaceful
- Jazzed
This list is very consistent with what I’ve seen group after group, individual after individual, over the last 5 years I’ve been working with the question of ‘what’s essential’ ~ equating it with being at your best.
My proposal is that nothing is more important that living from, being at, focusing on whatever we individually define as ‘being at our best’. It’s when we are the most happy and productive. It’s when we see things clearly. It’s when we know we are bigger than any problem we might encounter.
As we discussed this as a group, we reached a place of saying “this is so obvious!” Why, oh why then is ‘the essential’ not obvious to everyone? Why do so many people focus on other things (we like to call these things drama) that don’t lead to being happy and productive?
I have my own ideas about this, but I’d really like to see what you think. What words would you add this list of what it looks like to be at your best? And why is it, that people don’t make being at their best more of a priority?
Personally, I like to hang around people and businesses that make being at their best a priority. It’s more fun and brings out the best in me. Are you one of those kind of people?
The Shift
Have you ever felt like there are almost TOO many options to choose from when it comes to what you want? That the hardest part of getting it can be figuring out what “it” is??
I find it both liberating AND scary to think about what I want. After all, moving toward something can mean leaving the comfy and familiar behind, and what happens if I want something with my heart and soul and it doesn’t happen?? Could it be better to just not want to begin with??
Whew…that either/or scarcity thinking is exhausting! I know from experience…lately I’ve been under a smothering cloud of tension about what I want compared to the comfort of how things have been.
There’s nothing like the joy of falling in love with a man that you want to spend your life with! And there’s nothing like the cloud of tension I’ve felt about life as my daughter and I have known it for 9 years changing when we blend families! Toss in the start of a new business from home, the daughter being a tween, and well…it’s been a little ugly (and funny when I have perspective!).
How do you move from scarcity thinking to abundance about what you want?
For me, the shift happened this morning. I was frankly tired of the drama and crying (which was useful for a little while!) and simply made a choice to return to abundance.
What impact did that choice have? I got up to go for a run (which I felt too tired for when mired in the drama). Running is magic for me when it comes to getting perspective and energy. What is magic for you??
Before I left I was browsing an old Oprah magazine. I read an article about a Leadership Summit for â€regular’ women who’d won a contest to bring forth their humanitarian ideas and get support for moving them forward. In abundance mode, I noticed which stories inspired me most and what I want with my own work if I could have it any way at all. I have several ideas I can’t wait to follow up on!
And – ideas for this article just hadn’t been able to get through the smothering cloud of tension. As I joyfully ran, getting out of my own way, ideas tumbled in…
I still don’t know what blended family life will look like, but I’m remembering that I always get what I want or something better!
What helps you move from fear of change to risking what you really want?
Surrendering to Yes – What It Really Means to your Life
So what does saying YES really mean to your life?
I believe it means having the faith and courage to step into the next and highest version of who you are meant to be as spiritual beings and Creators in a physical body. And to keep expanding into your highest potential which may beyond your imagination to conceive. It means going the distance without giving up and quitting; releasing the false illusions about who you think you are to allow the real magnificent you to more fully emerge.
Fulfilling our dreams and desires does not end with a single yes to any vision, action plan, or goal. Thinking that just because we came to a decision to do or have something that our success is assured is naive. We must say yes every second, every minute, and every hour of every day as we make choices that move us towards what we truly desire. And, we must know when choosing to say no is the right answer because saying yes will take us in an opposite direction of what we desire.
Are you aware of what your soul is calling you to become?
Have you been listening the whispers of your spirit and following your inner nudges?
What YES have you been resisting that is persisting?
Have you been making choices that are moving you towards or away from your desires?
Questions that arise:
1. What will be I be asked to do that I may not want to do?
Life (God, Soul, The Divine) will not give you step two until you take step one. Spiritual practices such as meditation, morning papers, journaling, and walks in natures create connections for Life to speak to us through intuition, instincts, feelings… It is true that the guidance we sense or hear might seem scary, confusing, …even nuts. Our ego/mind screams, “No way. It’s not safe. It’s crazy…” Our gut and instincts say, “Trust that all will be well. Go for it.” What is guiding your decisions? The fears and illusions of your mind? Or, the knowing wisdom from your soul looking beyond the limitations of your mind and beckoning you to the wonders of what’s next?
Attempting to remain stagnant is impossible because evolution and change is a constant. You are either moving forward or you are moving backward. Look at your life to see where you are.
2. How far do I need to s-t-r-e-t-c-h?
You want some guarantees or a preview of what is to come before decided to take the plunge? Sorry,. Life doesn’t work that way. That’s why it’s called taking a leap of faith. You must stretch as far as is needed to receive what you desire. There may be periods of extreme challenge that can cause you to waver in doubt and fear.
How well you know yourself, your spiritual practices, ongoing evolution, attitude shifting tools, and circle of support are critical factors to staying strong no matter what is happening.
3. What if my YES upsets others?
It might. And in weighing all the elements of saying yes, you must also trust that the people in your life will benefit in the long run even if the short term brings some discomfort. You do not know what the people in your life have come to experience to become who they are meant to be.
Marianne Williamson’s famous quote from “A Return To Love” speaks to the very heart of each of us who fear or feel undeserving of owning our greatness
“…Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the Universe. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others…”
Want Like a Child – Act like an Adult!
My mother used to say, “You can’t have everything you want!” I had no problem expressing what I wanted when I was a child. I was terrific at thinking abundantly. As a young girl I wanted to play with my friends, go on adventures through my books, ride my bicycle, and climb trees.
It was only when I became an adult that I became more aware of scarcity. Concerns about paying the bills, staying healthy, climbing the corporate ladder, and planning for retirement increasingly consumed my thoughts. Although it is important to be a responsible adult, we don’t have to be fearful or self-absorbed adults. Seriously, I am ready to replace scarcity thinking with abundant thinking.
You may be wondering how you will know if most of your thinking centers on abundance or scarcity. Read some of the examples below and see if anything resonates with you.
Examples of Abundant Thinking:
- When I network with people, I purposefully look for ways to help them connect with others. I believe that what I put out into the world comes right back at me, so of course someone will help me – in fact, they already have in many areas of my life.
- When I have a conflict with someone, I look for ways of staying in the conversation to discover ways that both of us can get what we want – no compromises!
- When I sit down to enjoy my meal, I don’t overeat because there is always enough.
- I see myself as a peer to everyone.
- I don’t hold onto grudges and past wrongdoings. I release myself from the bondage of that hurt or pain.
- I enjoy spending time in nature, feeling a strong bond to the Earth.
- In my meditations or prayers, I spend just as much time listening as I do asking or talking.
- I trust myself to know what is right for me.
- I often laugh at myself when I do or say silly things.
Examples of Scarcity Thinking:
- I call on people in my network when I need them.
- I rarely if ever help someone without expecting something in return.
- I love it when I can catch someone charging me too much for something.
- I worry constantly about my finances. Sometimes I even lie to my partner so he/she won’t get mad or be afraid.
- I don’t give my money to charity. Rich people should do that.
- When I’m in a conflict with someone, I rarely say what I think. I’d rather just keep the peace.
- Whenever I’m around this certain person, I say the stupidest things. She makes me feel so insignificant.
- Sara really disappointed me. I thought she was really bright, but when I saw how she handled that project, I realized I am way smarter than her.
- I know that I promised I would do that thing for Astor, but I got tied up. He should know how busy I am. Why did he ask me in the first place? He’s so insensitive.
What speaks to you? Is there anything you want to change? If so, you have already conquered the first step which is acknowledging and recognizing something you want to change. The second step is practice – by yourself or with someone who will support and encourage you.
Integrate your responsible adult thinking with your childlike abundant thinking and get ready for one of the grandest adventures you can imagine!
The Insane Pitfalls of Mediocrity, Rationalization and Collusion
I’m sure you’ve heard something like the following:
- “That’s just who I am”
- “It is what it is”
- “The key is to accept a person as they are”
How do statements like the above work in situations such as the following?
- A friend is emotionally abusive
- The employee is barely engaged
- A husband is chronically depressed
- The leader is unable to inspire others
Is it helpful for the supervisor to say to the poor performer, “that’s just who you are”? I don’t think so …
I am now seeing platitudes of zen-like acceptance of situations and people as yet another way to resign ourselves to mediocrity, to rationalize abuse and oppression, and to collude with the ultimate delusion that we can’t make a difference. In attempting to â€accept what is’ and let go of attachment to outcome, we fall into a pit of victimhood!
The first step out of these pitfalls is to want more for ourselves, like friends who are emotionally responsible, colleagues who are passionately engaged, partners who are excited to be on a path of enlightenment, leaders who challenge and inspire the best in others … these are healthy wants.
But our confusion about wanting more for ourselves creates chaos and confusion around us.
I’ve had to learn to want more from the deepest desires in my soul, without creating mixed messages tainted with guilt, restraint, doubt, and scarcity. Wanting more can be seen as selfish, arrogant, idealistic …. I’ve had each of these fearful sentiments mirrored back to me as I’ve gained courage in asking for what I truly want.
Healthy wanting more depends on our ability to see beyond the illusions and fears of our current realities, beyond the behaviors we are exhibiting, to the real essence of people…
For example:
- We can see the CEO rigidly using structure to enforce his will on his organization
- Or we can see the same CEO struggling to be both a compassionate and results oriented leader
Wanting more for my-self can literally pull my vision beyond the limitations of â€what is’ into a sea of possibilities. A conversation with our CEO can shift from:
- He won’t budge, to
- What are you trying to create, here’s what I want, how can we work together
By wanting more I get to have fun exploring the many realities beyond the one that holds me where I am, into the adventurous territory of who I am becoming.
So how can we want more without becoming materialistic and greedy? How do we keep our wants aligned with abundance and authenticity instead of scarcity?
Career Blogs
I’ve been venturing out into the world of blogs more and more and wanted to share a few finds related to career that align with where the IAM learning network is headed:
Career Renegade – Jonathan Fields is working to “level the playing field” of work after recovering from being an overworked securities lawyer.
Illuminated Mind – Another Jonathan who just quit his day job with the mantra “liberation”. Makes me wonder why so many people think of traditional work as a prison.
Escape from Cubicle Nation – Pamela Slim is clearly working to stay in integrity with who she is as she also ventures into new territories in how she works.
Brazen Careerist – Penelope Trunk is on the ‘out of balance’ side of the work/life balance equation and she’s openly working through how she’s finding her way. Great modelling as we’re all learning what equillibrium looks like.
I’ve notice myself sitting with a question as I think about the great work these folks are doing: what are they moving toward? I’m more clear about what they are moving away from.
So I’m curious:Â what are folks wanting to create as they move away from the confines of the old ways of working?
The Future of Work
I was excited when I saw the cover story of Time magazines May 25, 2009 issue. “The Future of Work: Throw away the briefcase …” As I read the enclosed series of articles, my excitement waned. This was old news!
Some of the topics they did cover that I agree are an integral part of future work include:
- Doing what you want instead of following a standardized path: career customization
- More high-end talent and less commodity-type folks
- Returning professionalism to business schools (ya think?!)
- The inevitability of age diversity in the workplace
- Women’s transformational leadership style – engaged, motivational, more collaborative, less hierarchical
- Creating employee freedom as a compelling business strategy – work flexibility is key to a flexible workforce
- Green jobs – working on things and in ways that sustain the planet
- Collaborative decision making with culturally diverse people
- The end of perks like health care coverage and retirement
- The end of the career ladder
- The end of the cubicle life – telecommuting is a way to save
Yawn. Yawn. Yawn! All of this is true, and where are the new edgy ideas? I wanted to see something much more inspiring …
For example, I say:
The future of work is about asking the right questions, not about having the right answers.
Like:
- How do we thrive in constant change?
- How do we create less hierarchical and more collaborative groups?
- How do we work with people who are culturally different than us and love it?
- How do we create systems and structures that are more fluid, that support a more fluid workplace?
- How do we develop skills that allow us to be flexible, adaptable, and open?
- How do we create people and businesses that are more healthy and sustainable?
- How do we create a sense of safety and security when traditional ways of doing this are crumbling?
- How do we shift from standard career paths to personally customized careers?
- How do we work in more personally satisfying ways, while at the same time discovering ways to better serve others?
I could go on. And I’m wondering:
What questions do you have about the future of your work?
What answers do you have to some of these questions?
What do you find inspiring when you think about the future of your work?
Confessions of a Truth-Twister
I don’t know about you, but I can bend, fold and twist the truth like a cabin steward on a cruise ship folds and twists towels into those little animals they leave in your cabin each day. You never know if you’ll find a swan or a monkey, but the finished product is sure to be cute and bear little resemblance to the utilitarian, pure form it started as.
The difference between twisting the truth and twisting a towel is that the outcome of the former isn’t nearly as adorable, especially when we accessorize with blame and judgment of ourselves and others.
How do you know when you’re twisting the truth? How do you get back to it?
- Our bodies always let us know when our thoughts, words or actions aren’t aligned with what we really want or with being our best self. You may have an unsettled feeling in your stomach, restlessness, a fluttering in your chest, sweaty palms.
Take a moment to notice how your body feels the next time you’re saying ‘Yes’ when you’d rather say ‘No, thank you!’ The more you pay attention to what your body is telling you, the easier it gets to hear it (and choose what you really want).
- Your sentences include words like can’t, always, never, should or shouldn’t. The use of those words is a sure sign you’re placing blame or judgment on yourself, someone else, or a situation: “I’m always disorganized so I can’t run my own business from home!”
The more factual and self-loving truth is “I tend to lose track of things when I don’t use a system; what tools and processes work with my unique style to stay organized?” Using phrases like ‘I tend to’ and ‘Right now’ allow you to be an objective observer of your patterns and allow space for options.
- You make the problem about someone else. Confession: I turned into a Coach Gone Wild when I shared the uninvited ‘observation’ with my significant other that he doesn’t use the words “thank you” very often (luckily it wasn’t captured on video!). I’d wanted extra appreciation and that felt ‘needy’ so I was afraid to ask for it.
Embrace your wants without judgment! The real truth is I want to be appreciated, complimented, and generally adored (by myself and others).
Use the tips above to reframe the truths that you’ve been twisting.
The Truth Doesn’t Hurt; It Heals
You may have heard the saying that, “the truth hurts.” I won’t dispute that sometimes the truth can hurt, but I propose that the truth doesn’t hurt so much as it heals.
I want to take a different approach toward telling the truth that starts with telling the truth about you to you. I’m talking about your internal dialogue with respect to what you believe to be true about yourself.
- Have you done or said something you regretted only to blame yourself for being stupid or insensitive?
- Do you hide your greatness and not tell the truth about who you are and what you have to offer?
- Is it easier for you to forgive everyone else, but for yourself there’s an extra dose of blame and judgment?
- Have you found yourself embellishing the truth to receive or deflect attention and then later regretted it?
When you don’t tell the truth about yourself to yourself, you deny your own brilliance and diminish your power in the world. Some people might think that how they feel about themselves comes from others, but it’s actually coming from inside themselves. They are essentially disengaged from themselves, if you can imagine such a thing.
In order to increase your internal truth-telling, imagine having a different conversation with yourself so that you can release your brilliance into the world and begin to see yourself as others see you – wise, beautiful, intelligent, interesting, witty, loving, kind, giving, and so on. As thoughts come into your mind that you are bad, stupid, lazy, mean, or not good enough, gently silence those thoughts with the truth of who you really are, no matter what the circumstances may be or what other people say.
Perhaps you did make a mistake. Big deal! Give yourself a break and recognize that you’re more relatable to others because you are human.
Perhaps you embellished the truth; you now know that you don’t need to do that. Many people will love you for who you are, not who you want them to think you are.
Discover a healing salve for your heart, mind, body and spirit that releases you from the bondage of lies, deceit, and embellishment. That healing salve is having a truthful conversation with yourself first, revealing the best of who you are (no need for blame or judgment).
Outrageous Wanting
There are some wonderful benefits to being outrageously honest with ourselves and others about what we want. Here are some of my favorites:
- Learning increases.
The gap between reality and what we want is the playground of learning. The farther I allow my wants to venture â€out there,’ the more I can expect to learn. - Energy moves.
As long as I hold my wants in check, I’m reining in my life-force energy. Be honest about my wants and my energy has a place to move. - Creativity ignites.
Desire for something I want is fuel for my imagination. Once my imagination is engaged, I can see beyond the obstacles of today. - Focus emerges.
Experimenting with my wants allows me to better discern what I like and experience new realities. Then I can focus on what feels good and right to me. - Trust builds.
When we’re honest with ourselves and others we can be trusted. When we’re not, we become controlling, manipulative, passive aggressive: untrustworthy. - Relationships grow.
Honest truth telling is the glue of a healthy, growing relationship. Our truths and wants evolve and grow as we do, and connect us more deeply to others.
I see people holding back the truth about their wants for many reasons. Here are just a few:
- “I don’t have time to deal with this.”
- “People just can’t always get what they want.”
- “I’ve got too many things on my plate already.”
- “If I got what I really want I’d be spoiled.”
- “What I want is not possible, it’s not happening.”
- “I can’t have what I want because of him/her.”
All of these reasons come from an external focus, from â€reasons’ outside of us. Shift our focus internally, and a whole other world of possibilities opens up!
Remember the IAM Touchstone I Come First as a way to shift from that external focus to an internal focus. The easiest way to do this is to ask ourselves the question:
What do I really, really want?
We can tell the truth about what we want and thus create the benefits listed above.
We can tell the truth about the â€reasons we can’t’ and, well, that would be true too.
It’s simply a matter of focus. So how about telling the truth about what you want, like never before?
Here’s a challenge: share 10 things that you want here, and inspire others to do the same. Continue everyday for a month!
IAM Model for Conflict Resolution
A former counseling client emailed me to help her mediate a conflict with her mother. They’d been trying to work through things for months and seemed to hit a wall. The desired result was to get past the conflict so their relationship could improve.
I believe it takes skill, finesse, resilience, a healthy self-esteem, and objectivity to be really effective in conflict resolution. When things become personalized, objectivity can go out the window. When conflicts arise between family members, close personal relationship and friendships, things can become painful, uncomfortable, and scary.
Common situations that lead to conflict:
- The Blame Game
Finger pointing, accusations, buck passing, using excuses, defending, and explaining are all ways people deny taking 100% responsibility for what they create in their life. In a conflict situation, questions to ask yourself are, “What was my role in this creation?” What were my beliefs? Intentions? Expectations? Behaviors? that contributed to this situation?” - Judgments and Self-Criticism
People aren’t who we want them to be. We’re unhappy with ourselves. Things aren’t the way we want them to be. Inner turmoil and struggle creates stress, anger, frustration. We all want to be unconditionally loved and accepted for who we are. Practicing compassion, tolerance and love for each other’s humanness (and ourselves), invites happiness, inner peace, and offers healing and growth opportunities. - Stuffing things for too long
Sitting on something that is simmering will eventually start to boil and lead to a blow up. I’m an advocate for clearing things up as soon as possible. Withholding upset creates a gap in a relationship that widens the longer a person remains silent. One of the keys to clearing things up in a healthy way is the ability to hear another without personalizing.
When both parties can be in an objective space, having a conversation using these 4 opening statements can be a useful Model in conflict resolution. Notice the intentional omission of any accusations or blaming language?
In this model, YOU take full responsibility for your experience, interpretation and reaction as well as what you need to bring the experience to peace within yourself. To be the most effective, let go of any attachment to what you want or need the other people to do or be. This is critical to offset high expectations.
- This is what happened (from your perspective).
- This is how I felt about it at the time (taking full responsibility for your reactions, interpretations, assumptions, feelings…)
- This is how it affected me (taking full responsibility to what happened as a result of how you felt, what changes might have occurred…..)
- This is what I want from you now (which might be nothing, you needed them to hear you, you want an apology…) Understand that what you want might be offered. Be prepared for your request to be denied.
These steps can be very therapeutic regardless of the result because it creates an opportunity to have a conversation where both people can express what happened, show up for themselves and be heard. Being able to show up and hear things that might be upsetting by remaining compassionately detached and present is a skill that takes lots of practice and high self-esteem.
Mutual respect, compassion, accountability, strong self-esteem, good communications skills and the willingness to grow as a person are key ingredients to having more successfull conflict resolutions that build trust and safety in any relationship.
Finally – seek help if you need it. Sometimes we are just too close to the situation and need a third-party to help move things forward.
Telling THE truth
I have been looking forward to writing on this topic because I have come to crave having people around me who tell me the truth. I want folks around me, in my life, who are direct and are willing to tell me what they are really thinking. I’m especially craving this after moving from the East Coast to Minnesota.
Minnesotans have a lot of great qualities but direct-ness is not high on the list. It’s difficult for them. They want to please and not hurt feelings so they often end up telling you what they think you want to hear rather than what they really think.
In my retreat community last fall I was trying to explain to them (a group of Minnesotans) my strong desire for those in my life to tell the truth. I told them that I hold a strong value to be honest, to speak the truth. One of them spoke up then and said in a quiet, humble way “whose truth do you mean?” It stopped me cold. They were right. It’s not about “THE” truth, it’s about “MY” truth. And everyone has their truth, their perspective.
If we request this of each other – this truth telling – it means being confronted with the fact that we each have a different perspective. It presents an opportunity to listen to each other more deeply, try to understand what each other’s truth is.
So, is there such thing as “THE” truth? Well, yes if it is about a fact. Like “No, I didn’t take out the garbage last night.” But I don’t think there is such as thing as “THE” truth when it comes to a perspective or opinion. Yet, I do still believe (and crave) those around me to share with me their truth. Bring that on.
P.S. This is shorter than usual because I have been helping with my brand new days old niece!
Appreciating the Law of Opposites to Manifest What You Want
Several month’s ago I read Neal Donald Walsch’s new book, “Happier Than God” which I loved!
He says, “The Law of Opposites works in perfect harmony with the Energy of Attraction. This principle states that no sooner will you call something into your reality than it’s exact opposite will also appear – and always first.
Opposites provide a context to experience what is desired by first experiencing what is undesired as a sign that you are on the right path toward your chosen objective.
The contrast provides a way to experience something for what it is. Without darkness, we would not recognize light. Without war we would not desire and choose peace.
Many people mistakenly see the appearance of the opposite of their desire as a block or obstacle that must be overcome and eliminated. They view the experience as a negative; a problem that is keeping them from having what they desire rather than path to success.
Since January I’ve let go of a number of projects, graduated some old clients, decluttered my home and my life to be more focused on the things I feel inspired to pursue. Through the process of “releasing and letting go” the first thing that has shown up is an “emptiness and quiet.” My emails have dropped off, my phone isn’t ringing off the hook, and things feel slower right now.
Instead of slipping into “victim consciousness” and worry, I’ve decided to enjoy the time to let my imagination and inspiration play with my book ideas and see what emerges!
How to appreciate the Law of Opposites?
Here are seven tips:
- Bless the experience and say thank you.
- Be willing to uncover any subconscious beliefs and programs potentially contributing to what you are experiencing.
- Listen to your inner wisdom and guidance for the clarity and perspective. The Gift of Wisdom helps to discern the difference between being up against a wall or at the entrance to a doorway.
- Allow your curiosity and wonder to guide you to a more joyful experience. Unleash your imagination to dream of possibilities and opportunities on the horizon.
- Put your attention on all the gifts and blessings in your life. Gratitude is a powerfull attitude shifter to move from a state of constriction to expansion.
- Remind yourself that the Law of Opposites exists to light the way to your desires.
- Use your spiritual practices to stay connected to your heart and The Divine.
How do you see the Law of Opposites working in your life?
How Do You Recognize a Creator?
I’ll bet you’ve been in the role of a Creator many times and didn’t even know it. As Creators, we create our reality by what we believe and assume. See if you recognize yourself in the five following themes.
Creators focus on what they want. I know I’m being a Creator when I am exploring what I want to contribute to my work, family and friends, community, and even the world. Creators direct their thoughts and actions toward what they want for their lives and what emerges is passion for their heart’s desire.
Creators question beliefs and assumptions. I recently learned about a tool called the “Ladder of Inference,” created by Chris Argyris, organizational psychologist and Harvard Business School professor. We draw conclusions and subscribe meaning about things, people, and situations all day long. Creators create space for reflection, observation, and inquiry. They invite alternative perspectives to create new, broader knowledge and understanding – a bigger version of the truth.
Creators take responsibility. When I see someone take responsibility for their actions and behaviors, I know I’m in the presence of a Creator. Creators don’t look for someone to blame for their situation; they see their role in the situation and learn from it. Creators don’t abdicate their power to others; they set boundaries and clearly communicate those boundaries with respect and honor for everyone.
Creators choose their responses to everything that happens. Today’s society seems frantic – everything has to move fast. Fast isn’t always bad. There’s nothing I love more than prompt customer service! But in the case of a Creator, fast is not always the best choice. Taking a pause and thinking through your response is an excellent way to stay in the role of a Creator. Creators give themselves permission to take a pause and respond rather than react.
Creators have courage in the face of fear. A Creator has hope for a better outcome. Creators are parents who aren’t willing to accept a fatal diagnosis for their child and won’t rest until they find a cure. Creators are athletes, knowing their limitations, and using their strengths to their advantage. Creators are teachers who inspire their students to generate more knowledge than they ever could on their own. Creators are trustworthy CEOs who take a stand for integrity, even if it’s not a competitive advantage.
How can you create more opportunities for your Creator role to shine?
Meritocracy, 100% Responsibility and the White Dude
April 2009: Creating Everything
Meritocracy and 100% Responsibility. Thanks to Michele Martin’s blog, the Bamboo Project, and her post on Matt Miller’s new book, The Tyranny of Dead Ideas, I’ve been thinking a lot about these two ideas.
Meritocracy: success based on talent, ability or merit. Jeff Jarvis (What Would Google Do) describes how the internet allows â€good ideas’ to bubble to the top, and how companies should be meritocracies where customers benefit from your best ideas.
100% Responsibility: claiming the power we have over our own thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and assumptions to influence our experiences (me).
Michele Martin: “much of what passes for merit is really privilege–the privilege of a life that allows you to develop the skills and knowledge necessary to earn a good living.”
How do we discuss 100% Responsibility, a core concept in personal empowerment, and merit or being your best, while also addressing compelling issues of privilege and class?
I address these questions where I can – in my own life and work…
I’ve been using the phrase â€white dude’ to describe the western European male influenced patriarchy that has created so many of the ideas and structures that have both liberated and oppressed. Ironic given that I’m married to and gave birth to two â€white dudes’. I love white dudes!
And how can we take the best of the white dude culture, leave the rest, and weave in the best of what the rest of us have to offer?
Some examples:
- Jan (my husband) and I are exploring how he can be freed from the onerous white dude responsibility of holding down the 9-5 job, and being â€the rock’ for everyone else.
By creating success in my business, I open opportunities for my husband to be his best.
- We met with a white dude to explore collaborating on career development projects. He had some cool tools, we had new approaches, but this guy ultimately wasn’t open to our kind-of new.
By choosing to work with white dudes who want to be stretched, we’re shifting the dominant culture to include the merits of all.
- We are passionate about coaching being accessible to people of all income levels.
By working to create affordable online learning and coaching, we’re breaking down the boundaries of privilege.
Taking 100% responsibility for creating everything happens on a continuum. We start where we can, we create what we can, we encourage others to be responsible, and we do everything to level the playing field so that everyone can be at their best. Before we know it, we’ll be consciously creating everything.
What do you think? To what extent is conscious creation really possible?
CREATION as Inspiriation: 4 Perspectives
April 2009: Creating Everything
As I work with the theme for the April newsletter, I keep focusing on the creating part of that theme. Given that I’m living in the woods, surrounded by nature, I can’t help but think of CREATION. The amazing universe (created by God) that we live in.
So, in reflecting on CREATION, I offer 4 perspectives on Creation as Inspiration.
REASON #1: CREATION cures loneliness
Some of my loneliest times are when I’m with people, especially when a misunderstanding or miscommunication happens. The effort to connect with our fellow human beings is greatly rewarding, often frustrating and potentially isolating. So whether you are lonely with people around you or not, Creation can remind you are not alone. Living, breathing Creation is right there, outside your door to be your companion. Try stepping outside next time you feel lonely.
REASON #2: Creativity comes from CREATION
Just today I saw: a brilliant red cardinal, a wild male turkey pluming its feathers to lure a female, several intricate veins captured in one small leaf, snow blanketing a pine branch, the meandering flow of water in a stream, a startling loud cracking noise of ice breaking up in a flooded pond, and a red and a gray squirrel duking it out for the scattered bird seed.
Each one of these observations offers an opportunity to riff on it for a life meaning, or inspires a work of art or a poem, or a sermon topic. The artistic possibilities are endless. The metaphors are endless. All found in observing Creation.
REASON #3: CREATION reminds you, you are not in control
Spend one winter in Minnesota with a career that includes a lot of flying and you learn this quickly. The weather will do what it wants no matter how much planning one engages in. Or consider the folks of Eastern North Dakota and Northwest Minnesota who are holding their breath as the Red River crests far above flood level. The forces of nature conspired and then eased, offering a concrete reminder of how little humans are in control.
REASON #4: CREATION grounds you
Pun aside – walking on real ground, feeling the solid earth holding you up creates a sense of well being and provides clarity. Last week I spent a few days in a giant high rise hotel with large windowless convention rooms in the middle of an urban center. I missed the earth beneath my feet. Working out on a treadmill on the 40th floor gave me exercise but it did not ground me.
How does Creation inspire you? What do you think of as Creation?
Be Your Best
The IAM Be Your Best lesson talks about how we choose to be our best in whatever circumstances come our way. We call this your Essential Best because it brings all of who you are into the picture – a holistic view.
This focus on your best is an interesting concept that seems so simple, yet can be completely forgotten. Just directing my attention to being my best helps me imagine a better outcome for my conversations with others, how I want to approach a project, how to have more fun, and so on. I can tell when I’m focused on my best: I actually feel lighter and breathe easier.
Focusing on my Essential Best helps me make decisions about how I want to show up at work, at home, with my friends and family. It’s a very subtle, simple shift from focusing on what’s wrong, to focusing on what’s right, that gets really great results. Something that helps make this shift is just taking a pause & asking, “Am I bringing my best?”
You might be surprised at how so few people just take a pause. Many times we think we have to give an immediate response, and that’s not always the best approach. Think about it. The next time you are making a decision, having a conversation, conducting a meeting, working with a team, and so on, take a pause & ask yourself, “How can I bring more of my Essential Best?”
Career Leadership
I remember taking a survey at the career center in college that assessed several factors and then predicted that being a Podiatrist was an appropriate career choice for me. It was such a ridiculous suggestion that from then on I shunned any career assessment as absurd!
It’s taken several years and career shifts to determine a really useful alternative to the classic career assessment. Several ideas emerged as key:
- I know better than someone else what is right for me.
- Career choices are not an event that can be packaged in an assessment or even a collection of assessments.
- Everyday I can become more clear about what’s right for me and more clear about what enhances the value I can create for others.
- I need to be really clear about who I am at my best, to make solid career choices.
- Ultimately, a solid career path requires that I am a strong leader of myself and my life.
The IAM Career Leadership lesson explores these ideas and how we are the everyday leaders of our work, in the context of a whole and healthy life. We’re interested knowing, “What would it take for you to be the leader of your career?”
Follow Your Values
Values are the kind of thing that are hard to see and know, until you are out of sync with them. For example, I didn’t realize freedom was such an important value for me until I left the corporate world and reveled in the freedom I had to take a shower in the middle of the day if I wanted to. I still get giddy that I can do that! Mid-day showers are nice; having the freedom to make choices that support my being at my best – now that’s essential!
Sometimes we see the importance of values by how we respond to the behaviors of others. Take public or prominent people who talk about the importance of integrity, and then have an affair or engage in behavior they have condoned or lie on the company accounts to make results look better than reality … I don’t just see being out of sync with the espoused value of integrity. I feel sad that these people have created such misery in their lives just because they can’t be honest about what brings them joy! Enjoying the delicious delights of life in ways that are good for me and others – is really, really important to me!
For me, values are those things that are important, meaningful and that enliven me – aspects of being my best. Knowing how my values align with the values of others is critical – for me being at my best and giving my best to others.
In the IAM Follow Your Values lesson we look at how to determine your values ongoing, and how to align with them to create magical synergies within yourself and with others.
What do you know about values that’s useful? What are values and why might they be important to you?
Leverage Your Strengths
My top strength is Achiever. I know this because I’ve taken the Gallup Strength’s Finder assessment twice. All my strengths changed – either the strength itself or it’s order of appearance – between assessment event number one and two. Except Achiever. It’s number one and doesn’t look like it’s changing.
According to the Gallup folks: “Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not always be focused. But it will always be with you.” (Now Discover Your Strengths, pg. 83).
Imagine a person like this coaching. Where other people are achieving. What am I ever getting done?!
Thankfully, I have discovered a passion for writing about coaching and topics related to coaching! I love seeing the tangible results of the words on a page (these days, usually a web page).
In the IAM Leverage Your Strengths lesson, we explore how to use your strengths to create sustained levels of engagement – essential to being at your best ongoing.
How do you use your strengths in ways that bring out your best? And we’re not just talking about performance. We’re striving for more. What about using your strengths in ways that are fun and create extraordinary value for others?
Honor Your Motivations
Values, strengths and motivations are a part of one of the IAM Maps called the Energy Map™. Originally, motivations were passions, but when we took the Energy Map™ into a corporate client they had a little problem with the word ‘passion.’ I bet you can imagine …
So we changed passions to motivations. Then some of our corporate clients thought we were talking primarily about money (our non-profit clients tended to naturally have a broader focus). Yes, money is nice. But if it’s your only motivation, we end up with excessive greed and ridiculous bonuses like we’re seeing now!
The word ‘motivations’ works well as long as we can think about it broadly. Yes, basic survival needs are motivating, including the need for income. For many people, this level of motivation is not sustainable in the long run; work that does not challenge you to learn or grow or engage your heartfelt passions could be a terrible fate (this is how I feel).
In the IAM Honor Your Motivations lesson, we challenge people to use the chaos and uncertainty around them as an opportunity to seek growth and fulfillment ongoing. Not because we’re terrified. But because it’s really, really fun and because it’s a way to differentiate yourself in the marketplace.
We like to honor the culture of the people and organizations we work with … and so we changed ‘passions’ to ‘motivations’. But maybe the word ‘passions’ might actually inspire more growth and fulfillment?
What are your motivations and/or passions? And how might our different cultures and perspectives inspire deeper levels of passion in each of us?
Tell Your Story
When I wrote my career story for the first time, I began thinking about the first time I thought about “work” which was probably as an adolescent. My dad worked for Piedmont Airlines/US Airways, and I loved to go and visit him at the hanger. Everything was so big and there were the most wonderful smells of machinery. But that was “men’s work.” When I played with my friends, I either wanted to be the President, a secretary, waitress, princess, quarterback, or a cowgirl.
I also recall a time when my mom told me that I didn’t have to work during the summer break because I was going to have to work the rest of my life, so I didn’t need to push it. Boy! That was a rude awakening. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Work! That’s didn’t sound like much fun! What about being a princess? I was almost positive Prince Charles got mixed up & selected the wrong Diane (ok, I know it’s Diana).
In the Tell Your Story lesson, you have an opportunity to tell your life story and discover patterns and themes in your career based on various influences and choices you’ve made. In the book, Callings, Gregg Lavoy writes, “The past shapes us, but by following the deep calling to heal ourselves and throw off old curses, we may be able to reshape our response to that past and perhaps even the way we remember it. Sometimes we’re called to move backward so that we can move forward with a greater sense of ourselves, and with greater confidence.”
What parts of your life story are helping you create a new career story – one that works for you perfectly? (You may even find a calling!)
Sight Your Destination
I love thinking about career strategies, but that wasn’t always the case. I made some poor choices early in my career. I remember the day my manager told me that he would love to promote me but his hands were tied because I didn’t have a bachelor’s degree. I was so angry. It seemed so unfair; I had gotten excellent performance reviews for 6 years in a row. I thought about what I really wanted for my career and decided I could complain about it or do something about it, so the next week I enrolled in night school to get my bachelor’s degree. I worked really hard. I had a full-time job during the day, school at night, homework on the weekends, and going through infertility treatments. My husband must be a saint!
After I got my degree I moved into a better position at a new company, or so I thought. At first I loved my work, but after a few years I began to get restless. I wondered what was wrong with me. When I told my boss I wanted to do something different, she said, “Why can’t you just stay where you are?” If you read the Career Concepts article in this lesson, you’ll see that I favor the spiral career concept, so there’s nothing wrong with me.
I couldn’t just quit my job due to financial obligations and had no idea what I even wanted to do, so I hired a coach (the lovely Karen Tax) to help me figure it out. We created a strategy so I would have enough money in the bank to take off a year from work and begin a coaching program. I also found a great part-time job. Interestingly enough, that year was my husband’s highest salary ever due to the bonuses he received (this was post 9/11).
Now I’m completing a master’s program in May, have my own business, and am partnering with Karen in this venture of IAM Learning initiatives. What I’ve learned is that in our world today, it isn’t likely that we can plan out our whole careers in this linear, static fashion. However, it is essential to be strategic about our careers. If I had not been strategic about my career, I would be have likely been laid off as the company I work for is now in bankruptcy, and my career choices would have been very limited.
In the Sight Your Destination lesson, we asked you to think about what you really, really want for your life and career. As you think about strategies you have employed in your life and career, which ones have worked best for you?
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Pull It Together – CS1.0
It’s hard to believe that in a little over 4 weeks I’ll be graduating from my Master’s program. The time has flown, and yet I am ready to move on. I love learning (it’s my number 2 strength), but I am tired of writing papers and studying. I’m ready for a break!
Something I have had to get very good at is being strategic and tactical throughout grad school. One of the wonderful components of our program is that I get design my course of study. One the other side, I have had little to no help from the university. To be strategic, I had determine what I wanted the program to do for me personally and professionally which means I have to pick 2 concentrations that will be used to support my Master’s project (created by me). To be tactical I had to set goals for when I wanted to complete the program, my grades, and my course requirements. I also had to be very organized with scheduling so that all my work was completed on time and met the requirements.
Getting my master’s degree was a part of an overall strategy for my career. It has been frustrating at times, but I have always been motivated to stay focused because it’s what I want for myself and my career.
In this lesson, we mention that most failures in action are due to poorly thought-out strategy. How do you use strategy to drive your actions and increase your chances of success?
Next Steps – CS1.0
As we’ve experienced the recession of 2008 – 2009 I keep reading about people who are looking at their jobs as security to get them through tough times. Sometimes I want to jump up and down and throw a bit of a fit when I read stuff like this.
I understand though. I’m feeling grateful that my husband has a nice safe job at the university here in Chapel Hill. At the same time, we’re not looking at his job as secure. Instead, we’re looking at what work we both can engage in that will sustain our interest, will challenge us to learn and grow, and that will prepare us for the changing demands of the world.
I feel like jumping up and down about job security because I know for sure that there is no such thing. But what’s the alternative?
In the IAM Next Steps lesson, we introduce the idea of the sustainable career path – not looking at a job or other external resources as the source of your security but instead two things that we think are much more powerful:
- Knowing and trusting yourself to be the creator of your experience.
- Being on a solid path of learning and growing so you evolve with the times.
Simple. Easy. Yes! And no. The challenge is to shift our focus from what’s ‘out there’ which is seductive, and dramatic to what’s ‘inside’. We can’t possibly be prepared for every possible scary event. We can be resilient, adaptable, kick-butt creators of our work and life … a little bit more and more everyday.
So how about it? What would it take for your career to be sustainable? To be secure from within, inspired (rather than terrified) by what you see happening around you?
- Learn in our free 7 day e-course on Success in ANY Economy
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- Connect with others who insist on being their best
- Participate in the movement to transform work and life
