Archive for the ‘Community’ Category

The new George Clooney movie Up in the Air depicts the life of Ryan Bingham, a hotshot corporate downsizing expert who travels from location to location, acquiring all kinds of airline miles doing the dirty deed that others would prefer not to do; he fires corporate executives.  He is obsessed with efficiency in getting the job done and summarily moving on, unburdened by any semblance of human emotion or concern for the impact of his actions.

He sees the accumulation of airline miles as the highest manifestation of success and life achievement.  This sad soul has forfeited connections with family and significant relationships for a sterile, unburdened life.

As a motivational speaker, he encourages us to let go of what we carry around in our metaphorical backpacks; the things weve acquired and the relationships for which we feel responsible need to be released.  All this attachment, he proclaims, slows us down  and hinders our ability to become the stealth shark at the top of the feeding chain, the most exalted position  a person can reach, according to him. Its all presented quite persuasively.

It was a surprise to me, as well as many others with whom I discussed the movie, that this film is being presented as a comedy.  I found it to be  profound commentary on our time, an early 21st century snapshot of an unpredictable economy, and the trail of human misery it leaves in its wake. Over and over again, we witness grown men and women, who have played by the rules, done all the right things, and have acted with trust and loyalty–only to find themselves reeling in anguish  and despair as they confront a new, surreal, world.  Their new realities are unemployment, loss of health benefits, and an even more pervasive loss of identity.  This gut-wrenching drama is being played out every day, by all types of employees, laborers, manufacturers and executives.

Binghams modicum  of encouragement came with the repeated mantra that all the answers to your questions can be found in the packet.  This was the solace repeated over and over to the poor person who was being rendered redundant. Handing over the all inclusive packet was yet another way for this corporate surgeon to distance himself from the experiences being felt by his victims.

I have since found out, not to my surprise, that the people in the movie were real people who had recently experienced corporate layoff: this explains why the feelings expressed in their faces were so realistically painful.  Bingham, with artificially infused empathy, would remind these folks that this could be a pivotal point that could change their lives for the better.  Of course, the idea that transitions in life can be potentially transformational is certainly not new, and definitely not foreign to me as a psychologist and a career coach.  Life crises can catalyze huge changes that can land us in far better places.  After all, its human natures resistance to risk that threatens to disrupt the status quo.

So, why do I cringe in hearing this sentiment from Bingham?  Its that phony facade revealing a lack of true empathy and feels like an icy blow making a mockery of redirection and redefinition.  Instead of offering encouragement and belief, his message evokes anger and creates obstacles that make it more immobilizing and difficult for the newly redundant  to move forward into a new adventure.  At the very least, people who are subjected to this kind of rupture,  are entitled to genuine connection as they are forced to encounter the most primitive feelings of fear, as their very essence of survival comes into question.  That reverberating sense of what am I going to do now? … repeating over and over again like a surrealistic dreamlike echo.

With the employment rate hovering at 10 %, and jobs evaporating with no clear signs they will be coming back any time soon, we have to shift our thinking and focus.  I believe that people need to inoculate themselves against the co-dependent drama that takes place in the traditional relationship between employer and employee. This is a relationship that we have all grown to expect as the norm.  If I do what I am supposed to do; if I am loyal and a team player , the reciprocal reward from my employer will be to offer me the opportunity for safety, security and growth.  That covenant  is no longer the case, hence the anguish you see in the eyes of those terminated.  They are in shock….I didn’t do anything wrong and this is happening to me.  We are living through times in which this relationship is changing, along with a lot of givens we presume will work for our private pursuit of success.  We are the generation that has to define the new paradigm, a paradigm that leverages  todays realities!

Right now, as we face seemingly catastrophic changes in our world, our focus can become more independent and autonomous.  The advent of a smaller more accessible world  through the world wide web, and increased advances in technology, provides an unlimited audience for anyone to demonstrate their gifts and talents by providing an unprecedented platform for creative expression.  There is potential opportunity for even greater wealth despite some initial pain.  This is a clear example of the pie getting bigger; it is the way in which abundance unfolds.  Reinventing and creating new resources requires a new process of learning.  One focused on developing emotional qualities, as human beings, acknowledging and nurturing our authentic talents, and discovering cooperative partnerships.  I will not be so smug as to think we have all the answers, or that the solutions are simple.  In any creative endeavor, more questions will be raised than answered; this is not necessarily a bad thing.   Positive changes are occurring and communities and networks are forming to co-create new learning environments, forums for creative contributions from the masses not just the elite.  We now live in a world where you don’t necessarily need to have connections,  you actually can just  choose to be connected.

I’ll be sharing more thoughts on the changing world of work as we witness its transformation from adolescence to adulthood.  I invite and welcome your personal stories about job loss terror and re-creation.  I hope none of you hold onto the feeling  of being redundant.  My objective is  help replace that feeling with a voice that expresses potential that continues to be defined and fine tuned.

So, please share with me and my readers your journeys, your stories, experiences and insights; what personal characteristics and circumstances pulled you through turmoil and helped you discover a more rewarding life.  We all have the wisdom and ability to help one another.  I look at this blog as a place where people can come for affirmation and hope. A place where  we can mine for the diamonds that lie hidden in each of us;  where those who have already discovered what worked for them can share  with others who are still searching to find their gems.  Stories that unravel unexpected outcomes give hope for those still caught in the fog, and makes the difference in continuing to move from strive to thrive. Please bring your energy, insight and ideas as we move through this unchartered territory.  Together we will prove Mr. Bingham  wrong.  What we put in our backpacks are meaningful connections, relationships that tie our commonality together and build a strength that can only be achieved through contribution and being part of a supportive, caring community.  Together we can really make the pie bigger!

Happy 2010! Last year was a year of laying the foundation for our movement of transforming work and life so everyone can be their best. I learned a lot about myself last year and this year promises to stretch me even further. I’m super excited about that!

I have been wondering about you and your intentions for 2010, specifically how you’ll anchor in more deeply to being your best. Last year a client told me she had selected a word of the year to guide her throughout the year. She got the idea from Christine Kane (www.christinekane.com). Today I read a blog by Chris Brogan who chooses 3 words each year. Read his blog here: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/my-3-words-for-2010/#comment-27738450.

Last year my word was recriprocal, and it served me very well. Last week I began thinking about my word for 2010. I decided to let go of trying to figure it out and just trust God for my word. The strangest thing happened. I had a dream and the word, enamor, came to me in my sleep. I can’t remember the details, but when I woke up, the word was firmly in my mind.

Now, mind you, I have vivid, sometimes strange dreams, and I have never had a dream where a word was given to me. Also, as I get older, I find that my memory fails me when I try to remember certain words, but I easily recall this word throughout the day. Also, not surprisingly enamor is not part of my normal conversations.

So, although I don’t know if I will add more words to my word of the year, I am definitely keeping enamor. I look forward to playing with my word of the year, peeling it back like an onion, to help me be my best and help others do the same.

What do you think about choosing a word or words for 2010? Take a look at Christine’s video on her blog and/or read Chris Brogan’s blog post and see if choosing a word(s) is something you might want to participate in this year. And be sure to let me know. I’m planning to write about my word at least monthly if not more often throughout the year. I’d love to support you in your word choice.

Many blessings to you and those you love in 2010! May you feel love in a big way (enamor)…

What would Christmas be without Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer?  The original story was created in 1939 by Robert May an employee of Montgomery Ward. May is said to have created the story based on his own childhood where he was taunted for being shy and small.

In the tv special, Rudolph wasn’t allowed to play in the reindeer games because of his bright, shiny, red nose. It seemed that everywhere he looked, he just didn’t fit in. He and Hermey, the elf who wanted to be a dentist, didn’t fit in either and so they head out on their own. In one of their songs, they sing, “Why am I such a misfit? I am not just a nitwit … seems I don’t fit in.”

Boy oh boy, have I been in situations like Rudolph and Hermey. At times I felt like I was on the island of misfit toys. I knew I wasn’t a nitwit and neither were those other folks; it just wasn’t a good fit. That’s when I decided to be the leader of me and find/create a tribe that fits me. With a wonderful community of support, I charted my own course. If others want to laugh and tease me, so be it.

Seth Godin, in his book, Tribes, says what Karen & I have been saying all along – that everyone is a leader and we need you to lead – yourself first. I feel very strongly that when you determine what you want, you’ll be in a much better position to help others get what they want, and then you’ll create something extraordinary together as leaders.

Maybe you’ve been excluded from the proverbial “reindeer games,” or felt like you don’t fit in, or have encountered some monsters on your path. If you choose to, you can return back to your brilliant essence, shine brightly, and lead – with noses of all different colors, shapes and sizes. With a community cheering you on and supporting you, there’s no telling what you’ll accomplish – in your business, your organization,  your home, your school … everywhere!

I’ve been reading the poetry of Henry Walker for a while now, just waiting for the right poem to share with you. I saw it this morning. I thought it was perfect, especially since I’ve been noodling with a new level of understanding of this Winter/Christmas holiday season. Where I arrived: in giving gifts we are trying to remember that we ARE the gift.

Henry has been teaching for over 40 years at the Carolina Friends School where our sons attend school. He has been and continues to be a gift to so many people, including my precious family. Thank you Henry.

what is my gift?

what is my gift?
the light that is most mine to give,
that gift that can shine
while I use the tools I have within my kit?
my gift is my heart,
the caring within me
that wells up and overflows out of me,

that which powers me to see what I see in my photography,
the twinkle of the eye as the wonder within a person
gives me a flash of itself,
the angle, the moment, the possibility
that lets a waterfall, a sunset, a flower, a mountain
reveal its own heart,
and the possible becomes actual,

it is the caring that powers my teaching
so that I can touch a wholeness who can self-organize
if given space, foundation, encouragement, release,
while it needs so much to resist all
that pulls down at its reaching and that rewards the base,

for now words are my familiar, my agents,
the sous chefs who help me fathom the depths, encompass the breadth,
reach up and back to the source,

how relatively easy it is to know the “how” of action,
it’s the heart that gives the “why,” the “where,” the “when,”
and then the “how” knows what to do–

and there’s a picture, a learner,
and sometimes a poem.

by Henry Walker
December 14, ‘09

I found this on the internet and thought it was perfect for how I would describe the IAM Learning Community. It’s a quote by Jack Kerouac in an Apple Computer ad, 1997.

Here’s to the Crazy Ones

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits. The rebels.
The troublemakers. The round
pegs in the square holes – the
ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules and
they have no respect for
the status quo. You can praise
them, disagree with them,
quote them, disbelieve them,
glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing that you
can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.

Cheers to us! Cheers to you! … All the crazy ones who are tired of the status quo!

Last night I was re-reading Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth”.  I read the following:

“As the new consciousness emerges, some people will feel called upon to form groups that reflect the enlightened consciousness. These groups will not be collective egos. The individuals who make up these groups will have no need to define their identity through them.

Even if the members that make up those groups are not totally free of ego yet, there will be enough awareness in them to recognize the ego in themselves or in others as soon as it appears. However, constant alertness is required since the ego will try to take over and reassert itself in any way it can.

Dissolving the human ego by bringing it into the light of awareness – this will be one of the main purposes of these groups, whether they be enlightened business, charitable organizations, schools, or communities of people living together.

Enlightened collectives will fulfill an important function in the arising of the new consciousness. Just as egoic collectives pull you into unconsciousness and suffering, the enlightened collective can be a vortex for the consciousness that will accelerate the planetary shift.” (A New Earth, page 126 – 127)

The IAM Learning Community is on a path of enlightened consciousness! We are an energetic vortex of pure, positive energy!

Tolle describes our intention almost perfectly:  we are here to transform the way we work (careers) and live so we can all be our best. This intention includes health, wellness, following our callings – in business and entrepreneurial endeavors.

Tolle’s use of the word ‘ego’ is confusing. We prefer to call what Tolle is talking about ‘drama‘ as way of bringing lightness and non-judgment to those parts of us that are trapped in scarcity and fear. I do believe that shining the light of awareness on drama is what allows enlightened consciousness to flourish… and this is also an intention of our community.

We like to say:

Drama Happens
Struggle is Optional
Let Your Brilliance Shine!

So be it!

I’ve had two compelling incidents in the last couple of months that got me seriously considering confidentiality. 1) I wanted to share a concern with a fellow consultant about a client organization we both work with – a concern that emerged from my coaching in the client organization. 2) A family member came to me for confidential help in their career search process.

Both situations left me feeling uncomfortable about agreements I made to ‘keep things quiet’ – agreements which I ultimately broke because they didn’t align with my values.

Some background. My education in Organization Development at American University strongly influenced how I feel about collusion. Studies in group dynamics designed to understand how the Holocaust happened have demonstrated that collective or mass behavior can be influenced by just one person speaking up and saying “I don’t agree with this.” By not colluding.

An example, look at how the Dutch versus the Danes handled the German persecution of Jews: The Dutch resisted covertly, by hiding and protecting Jews (sometimes) while they mostly avoided direct confrontation with the Germans. The Danes resisted overtly, led by the King of Denmark, by collectively putting on the ‘Star of David’ armband used to identify Jews. The Germans were stymied in Denmark by the bold action of the people of Denmark. The Danes refused to collude with the Germans in any way, and in so doing saved thousands of Jewish lives.

These are extreme examples, yet they are born out of everyday mundane thoughts and behaviors.  A pattern of thinking and behavior practiced by much of WWII era society was:  follow the rules, then we’ll all be safe and we’ll all get along. If I obey those in authority, whether in my family or otherwise, all will be well. To ‘make waves’ by speaking up was generally taboo.

Since my studies at American, I have been committed to open and transparent communication. I am delighted by the internet, technology and web 2.0 business practices (see the book “What Would Google Do”) that facilitate and value open dialogue.

With my coaching however, and assumed ‘confidentialities’ between coach and client, where details of a coaching conversation must be kept between coach and client, I’ve experienced some interesting challenges to my commitment to openness. I want to firmly state here that details of my coaching conversations remain confidential. Clients are responsible for revealing details of their lives with others as they are comfortable. (ADDED NOTE: My thinking on this has evolved – please see follow-on comments for details!)

At the same time, if I see a pattern of behavior emerging from my coaching conversations that is relevant to the overall health of a group, an organization, or society, I will speak up. This can be done without revealing details of client-coach conversations.

To create healthy dialaogue with successful outcomes, when people are being ‘open and transparent’, a common understanding of intention and process is needed. Otherwise open and transparent conversation can become mudslinging or gossiping, which can ultimately be just as destructive as quiet collusion.

The IAM Touchstones and the IAM Maps are what I have developed to create this common intention and process. And as a summary … the biggest obstacle I see to open and transparent communication is the need people have (including myself) to keep secret things about themselves they are uncomfortable with, or to protect or defend themselves from a perceived threat.

Examples: people would think I’m bad if they knew I had had an affair, or something bad might happen if people knew I was looking for a job. The assumption here is that somehow I’m bad or wrong:  our human faults are ‘bad’ and our desires for something better must be hidden. The core underlying beliefs: it is shameful to make a mistake and life does not support us in striving for what we want …

So, in the spirit of conversation as an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, to grow into our evolving potential and to heal from those places we cut ourselves off from our true nature which IS love … I will not agree to any confidential conversation outside the bounds of a client/coach conversation.

By speaking up I am thus taking a stand for the transformative power of conversation. I am honoring the gift our humanity is to each other. And I am directly challenging the common belief that people are fundamentally flawed.

So there! That felt so good to say. These ideas have been burbling and gurgling around inside of me for quite a while and sharing feels really, really good.

How about you? To what extent are you willing to be open and transparent in conversation? To be vulnerable when you feel a need to protect or defend yourself?

And the older generations might take a cue from younger folks and their seemingly brazen openness … what do you suppose is compelling young people to be so ‘out there’ and what can you learn from them?

Hi Everyone! It’s good to be back on the blog! We took an unexpected break from writing when we realized that we had a huge opportunity to shift our single product delivery of IAM Career SMART! to a multi-product, community, social networking experience. We literally made this transition in 6 weeks. And it’s been a whirlwind…

Have you ever had the experience of just know when something is right and then you dive in 100%? That’s what happened to me.

Six weeks and one day ago, I had a conversation with George Tran (www.socialmarketingman.com) that catapulted me forward what feels like light years.  I was talking with George because I was frustrated with the Learning Management System (LMS) we were using to deliver IAM Career SMART!.

The old LMS felt like a lemon. It worked ok – we were trying to make a go if it – but we couldn’t seem to get traction. Ok, honestly, we didn’t try very hard. We released the product on the old site, had a lukewarm response, and then I asked myself where I was holding myself back.

My honest answer to myself: I didn’t feel like the LMS was a solid platform on which we could build our business and I wasn’t feeling the love from the people providing the LMS. As a matter of fact, my experience with them had gotten to the point that I was weary with every interaction with them. Not a good sign.

Enter George Tran. In one 1.5 hour conversation I was lit on fire. I saw how everything I had been working toward with the IAM material could be supported by his Social Sam platform. Our values of abundance, living life in beta, being real and transparent, building relationships with people, giving people lots of access to information and free help – plus purchase when people were ready -  was supported by this product. I also discovered a word to now use when describing IAM: a movement.

From here things just came together. Now, I’m feeling really grateful for the ‘old LMS’ experience. We learned a ton about what we wanted – and what we didn’t want. We are grateful for the incredible functionality available with our new system, and for the multiple people supporting the system and the many, many positive customer service experiences we have already had. George likes to call these ‘wow’ experiences. We’ve been wowed.

So, we’ve gone from lemons to lemonade, and we’re savoring and enjoying the lemonade more than you can imagine!

You can checkout our new site at www.iamlearningcommunity.com. We are waiting for a credit card processing bug to be fixed, and then we will launch to a core group of what we’re calling Seed Members – people who will help us launch and found this community.

Check it out … if you are a hummingbird, I know you’ll enjoy! (Watch the video on the front/home page and you’ll find out what I’m talking about…)

What’s more insane than the conflicts we see between nations and individuals? Wherever conflict arises, whether in our local families or nation communities, there is one simple solution to struggle of any kind: caring for ourselves.

How could conflict resolution be so simple? An example: the socially liberal daughter and the financially conservative father whose conflicting views have made it impossible for them to enjoy each other.

Conflict exists only when we find ourselves in either/or situations: either her liberal views or his conservative ones. Either/or situations happen when we see our family or community as too small to include our views (or needs).

It’s very tempting to blame the community when either/or situations happen: “I don’t fit in this family or ‘this group’ won’t accept my views.” True enough – this happens! Yet we now know without a doubt that the world is big enough for each of us to find a place where our views belong. Somewhere!

We create impossible situations when honoring of our views is dependent on “the other” person or community. Conflict is inevitable if the daughter’s liberal views are honored only if the father agrees and vice versa.

The trick to getting past this dependence on ‘the other’ is for us to care for or love ourselves enough to find that space and place of acceptance and love within. Once we love on the inside, the outside comes easily. We create communities that love our views.

What often happens is that the daughter’s liberal views are respected by the father once she no longer needs her father to agree – when the daughter belongs to a community where her views are appreciated. Once we experience respect for our views – we are free to confidently and productively explore our differences.

Making self-care a priority, practicing relentless self love creates situations where delight in our differences is possible. Limiting our expectations to the co-existence of diverse views implies toleration of ‘the other’.

What I want is delight in ‘the other’. What are the fathers’ conservative concerns and why?

I can only listen deeply to and enjoy the gifts of a radically different view if I confidently love myself and am willing to stretch …

All it takes is for one person to practice self-love and stretch, for delight in the views of “the other” to be experienced. From that one person loving, a family can love. If a family can love, a community can love. If a community can love, a nation can love and end conflict with its enemies….

Ending the insanity of conflict between nations will come from one person having the courage to ‘love thine enemy’. Which takes loving myself. Really, it’s as simple as that.

So can you imagine ending conflict being as simple as self-love? What are the “yea, buts” that come to mind?

When I first read the topic for this month’s newsletter, Caring for Myself, I immediately thought of spa days, mani-pedis, Sunday afternoon naps, and long vacations. Although there’s certainly nothing wrong with those ways of taking care of myself, I believe that taking care of myself involves a lot more.

I recently had a conversation with someone who felt she really couldn’t have what she wanted because it would be too selfish. That got me to thinking, what is selfish? And what is the opposite of selfish? Naturally I went to the dictionary to look up the definition of the words. Here’s what I found:

Selfish. Devoted to or caring for only one’s self; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare. We know these people – they are called narcissists. “Maria has been hoarding food for the past year, just in case something happens to the economy and she won’t have enough to eat.”

Selfless. Little or no concern for oneself. We know these people – they are called martyrs. “Antonio wouldn’t dare apply for a promotion. His boss really needs him to stay where he is because he is so valuable, so he’ll just stay put.”

Somewhere in between selfishness and selflessness is caring for ourselves, a glorious place where we get what we want and others get what they want as well. It’s a place of healing, growth, and love, starting with ourselves first.

What happens when we don’t care for ourselves and only give of ourselves? Depression, addiction, despair, anger, sadness, emptiness, negativity, and fearful thinking are all results of not taking care of ourselves or diminishing ourselves in service to others.

When I care for myself, I trust myself, express myself fully and authentically, love myself just as I am, and embrace my healing while also inviting others to do the same. What I am learning is that that there is plenty of room for caring for myself and caring for others. It doesn’t have to be one or the other – polarizing views of caring only for ourselves or caring only for others is a sure fire way to keep all of us on different paths with little ways of connecting with each other.

How would your life change if you found that glorious place inside yourself that has been crying out for acknowledgment? What polarizing views do you have about caring for yourself that have been limiting your healing or growth and/or the growth of others?

I’d love to hear from you!