Archive for the ‘Lessons’ Category

U.S. Vice Admiral James Bond Stockdale

I cleaned out my office today & ran across an index card with the Stockdale Paradox on it. In case you’re not familiar with the Stockdale Paradox, Jim Collins describes it in his book, “Good to Great” as:

“Retain the faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties AND confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.”

I highly recommend reading about Jim Stockdale in this wiki to learn more about his experience as a Vietnam POW & how he was able to survive when many others didn’t: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale.

Surviving a POW camp is in no way comparable to conducting a job search or developing your career, but there are important lessons we can learn from Jim Stockdale’s experience.

Got Faith?

Stockdale said he never doubted he would prevail and turn this horrific experience into a defining event in his life. He never lost faith.

I think about a time when I was in a job that felt like a prison to me. I felt victimized, like I had no choices. But that wasn’t true. I did have choices. I hired a coach and started working on a plan to not just get me out of there but to really envision a future for myself. I read somewhere that faith is passionate trust. I trusted myself to know what I really wanted, and I trusted God to show me the way.

The Brutal Facts

Stockdale says we must have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of our current reality. There are two important points here – defining reality and discipline.

What is reality? I heard someone say, “If the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.” Well, just like Stockdale, I believe the facts DO count.

There are certain facts about you that should be a factor in your career development. This is the brutal reality of YOU – the brilliant you, and it’s important that you know what it is and can sufficiently describe it to others.

And then there’s the other side of reality such as the people who show up on American Idol who can’t carry a tune and can’t understand why they aren’t chosen. Or the person who doesn’t want to learn anything new and thinks they can coast to retirement. Or the person who knows their performance has been lagging but thinks people won’t notice. This is our blind spot, and it is essential to make that spot as small as possible.

After you have a good idea of your reality, it’s time for discipline. Discipline might conjure up some images as being grounded or a drill sergeant commanding you to take 100 pushups in the freezing rain, but consider another definition of discipline: “self-control, training for improvement, and a systematic method.”  It seems to me that discipline is at the heart of leadership, so when it comes to determining our careers, it is essential to have a system in place to help us reach our dreams (strategies, intentions, goals). I hired a coach, increased my knowledge, and put a system in place to be more accountable so that I could expand my choices.

So, CAN be anything you want?  Maybe! Use these tips to guide you in deciding what you really, really want:

1. Take a look at the brutal reality of you. Who are you, and what are your strengths (skills, knowledge, abilities)? What is important to you? What would make you want to go work every day full of energy and passion?
2. Have the discipline to do what it takes to get you what you want. Invest in yourself by hiring a coach, going back to school, updating your resume, networking, etc. Stop doing those things that are getting in the way of what you want.
3. Have faith that you will prevail despite difficult circumstances.
4. Allow yourself to be surprised. Don’t wrap up your life so tightly that you miss some amazing detours off your path.

Do you have something else to add to this discussion? If so, I’d love to hear from you!

The IAM Be Your Best lesson talks about how we choose to be our best in whatever circumstances come our way. We call this your Essential Best because it brings all of who you are into the picture – a holistic view.

This focus on your best is an interesting concept that seems so simple, yet can be completely forgotten. Just directing my attention to being my best helps me imagine a better outcome for my conversations with others, how I want to approach a project, how to have more fun, and so on. I can tell when I’m  focused on my best:  I actually feel lighter and breathe easier.

Focusing on my Essential Best helps me make decisions about how I want to show up at work, at home, with my friends and family. It’s a very subtle, simple shift from focusing on what’s wrong, to focusing on what’s right, that gets really great results. Something that helps make this shift is just taking a pause & asking, “Am I bringing my best?”

You might be surprised at how so few people just take a pause. Many times we think we have to give an immediate response, and that’s not always the best approach. Think about it. The next time you are making a decision, having a conversation, conducting a meeting, working with a team, and so on, take a pause & ask yourself, “How can I bring more of my Essential Best?”

I remember taking a survey at the career center in college that assessed several factors and then predicted that being a Podiatrist was an appropriate career choice for me. It was such a ridiculous suggestion that from then on I shunned any career assessment as absurd!

It’s taken several years and career shifts to determine a really useful alternative to the classic career assessment. Several ideas emerged as key:

• I know better than someone else what is right for me.
• Career choices are not an event that can be packaged in an assessment or even a collection of assessments.
• Everyday I can become more clear about what’s right for me and more clear about what enhances the value I can create for others.
• I need to be really clear about who I am at my best, to make solid career choices.
• Ultimately, a solid career path requires that I am a strong leader of myself and my life.

The IAM Career Leadership lesson explores these ideas and how we are the everyday leaders of our work, in the context of a whole  and healthy life. We’re interested knowing, “What would it take for you to be the leader of your career?”

Values are the kind of thing that are hard to see and know, until you are out of sync with them. For example, I didn’t realize freedom was such an important value for me until I left the corporate world and reveled in the freedom I had to take a shower in the middle of the day if I wanted to. I still get giddy that I can do that! Mid-day showers are nice; having the freedom to make choices that support my being at my best – now that’s essential!

Sometimes we see the importance of values by how we respond to the behaviors of others. Take public or prominent people who talk about the importance of integrity, and then have an affair or engage in behavior they have condoned or lie on the company accounts to make results look better than reality … I don’t just see being out of sync with the espoused value of integrity. I feel sad that these people have created such misery in their lives just because they can’t be honest about what brings them joy! Enjoying the delicious delights of life in ways that are good for me and others – is really, really important to me!

For me, values are those things that are important, meaningful and that enliven me – aspects of being my best. Knowing how my values align with the values of others is critical – for me being at my best and giving my best to others.

In the IAM Follow Your Values lesson we look at how to determine your values ongoing, and how to align with them to create magical synergies within yourself and with others.

What do you know about values that’s useful? What are values and why might they be important to you?

My top strength is Achiever. I know this because I’ve taken the Gallup Strength’s Finder assessment twice. All my strengths changed – either the strength itself or it’s order of appearance – between assessment event number one and two. Except Achiever. It’s number one and doesn’t look like it’s changing.

According to the Gallup folks: “Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not always be focused. But it will always be with you.” (Now Discover Your Strengths, pg. 83).

Imagine a person like this coaching. Where other people are achieving. What am I ever getting done?!

Thankfully, I have discovered a passion for writing about coaching and topics related to coaching! I love seeing the tangible results of the words on a page (these days, usually a web page).

In the IAM Leverage Your Strengths lesson, we explore how to use your strengths to create sustained levels of engagement – essential to being at your best ongoing.

How do you use your strengths in ways that bring out your best? And we’re not just talking about performance. We’re striving for more. What about using your strengths in ways that are fun and create extraordinary value for others?

Values, strengths and motivations are a part of one of the IAM Maps called the Energy Map™. Originally, motivations were passions, but when we took the Energy Map™ into a corporate client they had a little problem with the word ‘passion.’ I bet you can imagine …

So we changed passions to motivations. Then some of our corporate clients thought we were talking primarily about money (our non-profit clients tended to naturally have a broader focus). Yes, money is nice. But if it’s your only motivation, we end up with excessive greed and ridiculous bonuses like we’re seeing now!

The word ‘motivations’ works well as long as we can think about it broadly. Yes, basic survival needs are motivating, including the need for income. For many people, this level of motivation is not sustainable in the long run; work that does not challenge you to learn or grow or engage your heartfelt passions could be a terrible fate (this is how I feel).

In the IAM Honor Your Motivations lesson, we challenge people to use the chaos and uncertainty around them as an opportunity to seek growth and fulfillment ongoing. Not because we’re terrified. But because it’s really, really fun and because it’s a way to differentiate yourself in the marketplace.

We like to honor the culture of the people and organizations we work with … and so we changed ‘passions’ to ‘motivations’. But maybe the word ‘passions’ might actually inspire more growth and fulfillment?

What are your motivations and/or passions? And how might our different cultures and perspectives inspire deeper levels of passion in each of us?

When I wrote my career story for the first time, I began thinking about the first time I thought about “work” which was probably as an adolescent. My dad worked for Piedmont Airlines/US Airways, and I loved to go and visit him at the hanger. Everything was so big and there were the most wonderful smells of machinery. But that was “men’s work.” When I played with my friends, I either wanted to be the President, a secretary, waitress, princess, quarterback, or a cowgirl.

I also recall a time when my mom told me that I didn’t have to work during the summer break because I was going to have to work the rest of my life, so I didn’t need to push it. Boy! That was a rude awakening. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Work! That’s didn’t sound like much fun! What about being a princess? I was almost positive Prince Charles got mixed up & selected the wrong Diane (ok, I know it’s Diana).

In the Tell Your Story lesson, you have an opportunity to tell your life story and discover patterns and themes in your career based on various influences and choices you’ve made. In the book, Callings, Gregg Lavoy writes, “The past shapes us, but by following the deep calling to heal ourselves and throw off old curses, we may be able to reshape our response to that past and perhaps even the way we remember it. Sometimes we’re called to move backward so that we can move forward with a greater sense of ourselves, and with greater confidence.”

What parts of your life story are helping you create a new career story – one that works for you perfectly? (You may even find a calling!)

I love thinking about career strategies, but that wasn’t always the case. I made some poor choices early in my career. I remember the day my manager told me that he would love to promote me but his hands were tied because I didn’t have a bachelor’s degree. I was so angry. It seemed so unfair; I had gotten excellent performance reviews for 6 years in a row. I thought about what I really wanted for my career and decided I could complain about it or do something about it, so the next week I enrolled in night school to get my bachelor’s degree. I worked really hard. I had a full-time job during the day, school at night, homework on the weekends, and going through infertility treatments. My husband must be a saint!

After I got my degree I moved into a better position at a new company, or so I thought. At first I loved my work, but after a few years I began to get restless. I wondered what was wrong with me. When I told my boss I wanted to do something different, she said, “Why can’t you just stay where you are?” If you read the Career Concepts article in this lesson, you’ll see that I favor the spiral career concept, so there’s nothing wrong with me.

I couldn’t just quit my job due to financial obligations and had no idea what I even wanted to do, so I hired a coach (the lovely Karen Tax) to help me figure it out. We created a strategy so I would have enough money in the bank to take off a year from work and begin a coaching program. I also found a great part-time job. Interestingly enough, that year was my husband’s highest salary ever due to the bonuses he received (this was post 9/11).

Now I’m completing a master’s program in May, have my own business, and am partnering with Karen in this venture of IAM Learning initiatives.  What I’ve learned is that in our world today, it isn’t likely that we can plan out our whole careers in this linear, static fashion. However, it is essential to be strategic about our careers. If I had not been strategic about my career, I would be have likely been laid off as the company I work for is now in bankruptcy, and my career choices would have been very limited.

In the Sight Your Destination lesson, we asked you to think about what you really, really want for your life and career. As you think about strategies you have employed in your life and career, which ones have worked best for you?

It’s hard to believe that in a little over 4 weeks I’ll be graduating from my Master’s program. The time has flown, and yet I am ready to move on. I love learning (it’s my number 2 strength), but I am tired of writing papers and studying. I’m ready for a break!

Something I have had to get very good at is being strategic and tactical throughout grad school. One of the wonderful components of our program is that I get design my course of study. One the other side, I have had little to no help from the university. To be strategic, I had determine what I wanted the program to do for me personally and professionally which means I have to pick 2 concentrations that will be used to support my Master’s project (created by me). To be tactical I had to set goals for when I wanted to complete the program, my grades, and my course requirements. I also had to be very organized with scheduling so that all my work was completed on time and met the requirements.

Getting my master’s degree was a part of an overall strategy for my career. It has been frustrating at times, but I have always been motivated to stay focused because it’s what I want for myself and my career.

In this lesson, we mention that most failures in action are due to poorly thought-out strategy. How do you use strategy to drive your actions and increase your chances of success?

As we’ve experienced the recession of 2008 – 2009 I keep reading about people who are looking at their jobs as security to get them through tough times. Sometimes I want to jump up and down and throw a bit of a fit when I read stuff like this.

I understand though. I’m feeling grateful that my husband has a nice safe job at the university here in Chapel Hill. At the same time, we’re not looking at his job as secure. Instead, we’re looking at what work we both can engage in that will sustain our interest, will challenge us to learn and grow, and that will prepare us for the changing demands of the world.

I feel like jumping up and down about job security because I know for sure that there is no such thing. But what’s the alternative?

In the IAM Next Steps lesson, we introduce the idea of the sustainable career path – not looking at a job or other external resources as the source of your security but instead two things that we think are much more powerful:

1. Knowing and trusting yourself to be the creator of your experience.
2. Being on a solid path of learning and growing so you evolve with the times.

Simple. Easy. Yes! And no.  The challenge is to shift our focus from what’s ‘out there’ which is seductive, and dramatic to what’s ‘inside’. We can’t possibly be prepared for every possible scary event. We can be resilient, adaptable, kick-butt creators of our work and life … a little bit more and more everyday.

So how about it? What would it take for your career to be sustainable? To be secure from within, inspired (rather than terrified) by what you see happening around you?